Colorado Ikon pass holders will receive compensation after they paid full price for an Ikon Pass only to have their season cut short by the Covid Pandemic in 2020.
The news comes after a class action lawsuit was filed, shortly after skiers and snowboarders alike wondered “Hey, what the fuck?” around mid March two years ago.
It’s relieving news to hear, especially after those corporate bastards had the gall to send us email alerts with the promise of saving $45 on a $1,200 ski pass, as if they didn’t completely ruin our entire March of 2020 at Jackson Hole, spiraling us deep into an alcohol-fueled depression that could only be cured by riding slabs of plastic through powder stashes.
For the purpose of clarification, the lawsuit states that Alterra Mountain Company improperly retained Ikon Pass costs after the ski season was cut short by the Covid-19 pandemic.
While there are plenty of corporate bastards in this hopeless industry that’s chock full of dollar signs and Caucasians (we’re looking at you, Vail) we need the reader to understand that when this article henceforth references “corporate bastards” we mean those greedy, suit-wearing slime bags at Alterra Mountain Company.
“The amount of credit available to pass holders will depend on how much they used their season passes during the 2019-20 season,” reads an article from The Denver Post. “Those who skied on their Ikon Pass only once that season will be entitled to a $150 credit. Those who skied twice will receive a $125 credit, and so on: three times, $100; four times, $50; five or six days, $25; seven or more days, $10.”
This is all good and fine, but shouldn’t it be the other way around? Isn’t it the individuals with plenty of days on the mountain who had their season impacted the most? Shouldn’t the people who spent the majority of the season skiing be compensated the most, as these individuals could actually ski if the resorts weren’t closed early?
While we appreciate the effort, $10 of compensation to our next ski pass isn’t worth the piercing headache that involves legal paperwork and (presumably) looking another human being in the eye.
Instead, we impart this message unto Alterra. Hear our words, ye greedy corporate bastards, and heed them! If we can’t turn our $10 pass credit into a six pack of PBR, we aren’t interested.
While we would totally love to piss away $1,200 to fistfight some New England man for parking at an overcrowded resort, we’re proud to say that, actually, we’re not falling for that one again.
We took our ski pass funds last year and dropped them on a backcountry ski setup along with some avalanche courses.
Now, instead of throwing elbows in a lift line, we’ll be putting on way too many layers before hopping on the skin track, sweating out a gallon of IPA on our ascent only to arrive at the top utterly soaked to our base layers before we have a borderline hypothermic descent on some fresh powder, only to wind up at some mountain bar afterwards with a holier-than-thou rant about the purity of earning your turns, the way our Good Lord intended.