The scuffle between r/wallstreetbets and actual Wall Street hedge funds is rounding the final corner of its second week and the Redditors are still holding that line like the bunch of diamond handed apes they are. The eyes of the world are upon them, watching to see what happens in this skirmish of the classes.
Recently the man who has led the charge against the hedge funders, u/deepfuckingvalue (AKA Roaring Kitten, AKA Keith Gill) has stepped forward from the shadows, revealing himself as the leader of the r/wallstreetbets revolution.
Actually, he didn’t really step out of anything, since he was already a popular YouTube show host, who’s channel mostly consists of investment style advice, financial wisdoms, portfolio tricks and tips, and, of course, more recently, live streams of himself manning the helm of his Luke-warm rebellion of the proletariat.
He did, however, give an interview to the Wall Street Journal (which included a couple of professionally shot photos), after which the internet noticed something extremely suspicious about Mr. Gill: he looks very similar to the CEO of RobinHood: Vladimir Tenev.
Eerily similar, in fact. Which has caused an eruption of speculation and conspiracy chatter online.
Now, in case you’ve been living under a boulder at the bottom of the ocean, and you haven’t heard of Robinhood or why they’re relevant to this story, here’s the gist of it: when shit started hitting the fan last week, as the tide started turning against the hedge funds, who were squirming under the realization of how truly fucked they were, RobinHood pulled some shady shit in Wall Street’s favor. They removed the option to buy GME stock from their app. Literally, the “BUY” button disappeared when a user pulled up GME stock — which feels a little bit like “market manipulation”…
After receiving massive backlash from the public for blocking trade (a seemingly serious violation of free-market rules) they opened the purchasing option up again. But with serious limitations. They effectively screwed a nozzle onto the meme-investors purchasing power, slowing their ability to squeeze the stock.
Now Robinhood is already staring down the barrel of multiple lawsuits (at least one of which is a class-action), their users are jumping ship en masse and the CEO, Vladamir Tenev, is expected to go on trail before the Senate in the coming months.
But the similarities between Tenev and Gill are hard to ignore. Many siblings out there don’t look so akin — what are the odds that two men in positions of leadership on opposite sides of this war, look like they could have come from the same mother?
Astronomical. The odds are so high in fact, that they nearly breach into the impossible. It makes far more sense that something more complex is at work here. That’s just simple logic: Occam’s razor: the simplest explanation is the most complex. Or is that the most likely explanation?
Either way, we’ve got some possible answers to these strange questions no one asked.
Possibility #1: Rival twins
It’s a tale as old as time: Two twins separated at birth, one raised by evil financial Wall Street parasites, the other raised by autistic cyber-investors, doomed to collide in a fantastic and world-shaping battle between the rich and the poor, the have’s and the have-not’s. Neither can live whilst the other survives — only one will walk away from this duel of destinies — or none will. Their fate is to destroy each other — and, perhaps, to destroy our financial marketplace along the way.
Stranger stories have unfolded on the pages of history.
Possibility #2: Multiple personality disorder
Has anyone ever seen both of these two in the same room? Do we have confirmation that they aren’t the same, single human being? Because comparing them side-by-side, it’s hard not to ask yourself: is this an individual suffering from multiple personality disorder, living two opposite lives, simultaneously leading two groups into war against each another, like some kind of schitzo playing chess with himself?
Approximately 3,282,000 Americans suffer from multiple personality disorder. Who’s to say that Gill/Tenev isn’t one of them. Or would that be two?
Possibility #3: Clones, programmed as mirror opposites, pitted against one another
We’re all aware that publicly available cloning technology has made leaps and bounds in the last decade. Hell, Barbara Streisand even owns her own cloned dog. Who’s to say some private investor, or mad scientist, or government intelligence entity didn’t design and develop both Gill and Tenev in a lab together, programing them with opposing goals/directives and releasing them into the world to initiate this war on Wall Street?
It’s not unlikely, but it isn’t likely either. The real question if this proves to be the case is, Why? And who? If internet speculation is anything to go by, it’s probably Bill Gates. Or perhaps Jeff Bezos, who only recently stepped down from his position as CEO of Amazon to pursue more “philanthropic” endeavours…
Possibility #4: Two guys that just kind of look alike
Sure, it’s possible. But, come on, really? Do you know what the odds of that are? (Seriously, do you know? We have no clue, actually, but we’re assuming its rather high.)
Possibility #5: Aliens of the same race competing to change the future of mankind
It’s not unheard of for alien races to meddle in the affairs of mankind. We’ve seen it countless times recorded throughout history: in the Bhagavad Gita, in the Bible, the Quran, even in Christopher Columbus’ own journals. Most of the respected alien- and UFO-ologists out there recognize at least three species of aliens, dwelling among us on Earth, that have all interfered in our business at one point or another: the greys, the reptilians and the Nordics.
This could be shapeshifting reptilians, putting on some kind of theatre for the sheeple — or, it could also be an in-so-far undiscovered species that has infiltrated our society and is pulling on the rudders of history.
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