These two knew exactly what to do when you get too high.

Two genius would-be drug dealers were recently apprehended in Idaho after breaking rule #1 of dealing drugs: Don’t smoke your own shit and turn into a blundering idiot. Convinced by Mary Jane that they were being followed by a slew of undercover agents, the two criminals pulled into an Applebee’s parking lot and turned themselves in to to the authorities via a frantic 911 call.

There are so many gems from the 911 operator transcript, but the highlights from the tape has to be when the criminals are asked whether not they have any weapons. One of the men responds that they are in fact not armed, but they do have plenty of “snacks and stuff” on hand.

We hope they at least enjoyed a little “2 for $20” action before the cops showed up.

Here’s a portion of the phone call transcript:

Ayala-Dolitente: Hi, uh, we’re the two dumb asses that got caught trying to bring some stuff through your border and all your cops are just driving around us like a bunch of jack wagons and I’d just like for you guys to end it. If you could help me out with that, we would like to just get on with it.

Dispatcher: You got caught doing what?

Ayala-Dolitente: Ahh… okay. Um… We kind of got spooked here trying to bring some stuff across your Idaho border.

Dispatcher: Ok.

Ayala-Dolitente: And, yeah. A bunch of your cops driving around in a bunch of civilian cars not wanting to pick us up. I don’t know what’s the deal. I was just wondering if you could help us out and just end it.

Dispatcher: Ok… um….

Ayala-Dolitente: Yeah… if you could call one of them. I don’t know. It’s getting cold out here man. I just want to get warm and just get on with this whole thing so…

Dispatcher: Ok. Where you at right now?

Ayala-Dolitente: University Boulevard right next to the gas station and Applebee’s. All your buddies are around us so if you could help us out that’d be great.

Dispatcher: Ok… alright. Is it just you or is there anybody else with you?

Ayala-Dolitente: It’s me and my buddy that I brought with me and then we have a dog that we were gonna bring back to its owner but…

Dispatcher: Oh ok.

Ayala-Dolitente: She’s a really nice dog. She’s not mean. She’s a pitbull…

Dispatcher: Oh… cool.

Ayala-Dolitente: She’s really cold in the car. She could use some food too.

Dispatcher: Ok. What was your name man?

Ayala-Dolitente: It’s Leland.

Dispatcher: Leland… okay. Hold on just one second okay. Stay on the phone with me.

Ayala-Dolitente: Alright. Thank you.

(speaking to Sward): He’s a nice guy. Want me to jump in the air and click my heels twice or what?

Dispatcher: Do you guys have any guns or weapons or anything on you at all?

Ayala-Dolitente: Nope we don’t have any of that stuff with us. Just a bunch of snacks and stuff.

Dispatcher: Alright. I just wanna make sure. They’re just curious.

Ayala-Dolitente: Yeah, yeah. We tried walking away from the car a couple times and that didn’t work. We tried waving them down and that didn’t work so I don’t know what’s going on here.

Dispatcher: Ok. I do have one of my marked units. He’s on his way over there so he’s on his way to meet you.

Ayala-Dolitente: Alright. Thank you.

… Thank you?! For what, the jail husband? The 10 year-prison stint which gives them ample time to get in shape and reflect on their tortured adolescence? Giggling forever.

One thing's for sure: you'd never catch Colorado drug dealers pulling this shit.