Missed the boat on recreational marijuana? Jump back on board with these public companies.

Missed the boat on recreational marijuana? Jump back on board with these public companies.


MDBX (Medbox): Price: $30.70

Medbox played the marijuana stock craze brilliantly as its share price hit $90 a share in January right after legalization passed. Despite it dropping back down to a reasonable level, vending machines aren’t just for candy and coke anymore, they’re also for cannabis. Medbox develops automated dispensing solutions so you can get your marijuana faster. With everyone and his mom swarming retail stores, something needs to happen, and Medbox could be the guiding light in a hazy world.

CANN (Advanced Cannabis Solutions): Price: $48.38

If you consume it, you might as well buy the companies that grow it. Colorado’s own Advanced Cannabis Solutions (ACS) buys and leases growing facilities to harvest the Trainwrecks and Purple Apes of the world. Right now, ACS works primarily in Colorado but with cannabis legalization on the horizon, we’re buying what it’s selling.

MJNA (Medical Marijuana): Price: $0.29

Investing in marijuana doesn’t get any more conspicuous than stock in Medical Marijuana. The company produces a series of cannabinoid products such as shampoos, lotions, chewing gum and oils all promoting the health benefits of cannabinoids. Besides the charges of fraud, who doesn’t want to buy a stock ticker MJNA, even if it bottoms out faster than your finished bowl?

MCIG (mCig): Price: $0.65

Vaporizers are cooler than the other side of the pillow, and mCig is capitalizing on the craze. The company launched the first generation of its $10 vaporizer in October, and it sold out. Evidently that’s a signal to take your company public. Our guess, the stock crumbles in a ball of fire larger than the one on your dab nail.

TRTC (Terra Tech): $0.50

Terra Tech is a top pick for marijuana investors — whoever they may be. As of now, its focus is on the future of farming through hydroponic innovations in harvesting vegetables and herbs. With legalization, we can only imagine other greens looking extremely prosperous. If you don’t buy this stock, buy one of its mobile grow operations available in an 18-­wheeler.

But, marijuana isn't the only one of your shitty habits you can throw your money at in the stock market; everything from booze to strippers has a public company. Because hey, you’re going to regret them anyway; might as well make the best of them

Strip Clubs

Rick’s Cabaret: RICK

Finally a way to invest in strip clubs that doesn’t require repeated trips to the ATM and smelling like mango blackberry lotion. Rick’s Cabaret allows you to invest without even stepping foot in the door. Luckily for you and your investment, tons of other guys have stepped foot in the door, causing Rick’s 2013 revenue to hit $112 million. It’s time you get paid for the lap dance.


Lorillard Inc.: LO

Tobacco kills, but investing in the vices of others doesn’t have to be so morbid. Lorillard, makers of Newports and other fine cigarette brands, realized tobacco doesn’t win friends, so it began purchasing eCig companies. With offices in Cherry Creek, you can buy locally and smoke responsibly.

Hard Alcohol

Diageo: ADR

Instead of cheers­ing to health, cheers to wealth. Diageo is a European company responsible for many of the top brands — Smirnoff, Captain Morgan, Don Julio, Guinness — you survive off of each weekend. Your liver might be going down, but with $17.3 billion in revenue in 2013, this company’s stock is going up.

Fast Food

Yum! Brands: YUM

If you’ve eaten at KFC, Taco Bell or Pizza Hut, then you’ve experienced the Yum! Brands trifecta. That’s right, they are all owned by one company. Night caps now pay a dividend, and we’re talking about something other than tomorrow morning’s stomach pains. Try walking through the drive­thru; after all, you are an owner.