Right up there with artificial insemination and moving dildos, this new app renders men practically obsolete.
With the advent of things like artificial insemination and moving dildos, technology has all but rendered men obsolete. But perhaps nothing hammers the nails into the proverbial coffin of masculinity more than Invisible Boyfriend, the new app for girls and boys who don't have a man, but kinda sorta really want one.
For only $24.99 a month, your hard-earned cash gets you a bevy of texts, calls, and handwritten notes — all from your fictional prince who exists to prove you're capable of being loved. The weird part is that these calls, texts, and handwritten notes are all created by real people, not robots. Real people sit at desks, slaving away, answering questions from app users like, "Do you love me?" with, "Yes, and I've also bought for you every pearl in the sea. I am the king of romance, tra la la!" … Which leads us to believe that working for Invisible Boyfriend would be the best job ever. Moving on …
Even though the app's slogan is "Finally, a boyfriend your friends can believev in, " the company says the app isn't just for people who want to create the illusion of having a significant other. Sure, you can use it to trick your friends and family but it also "creates a safe space for you to practice texting with a real human if you’re out of practice," the company writes on its blog.
They also note the app can even beneficial to you even if you're seeing a living breathing boyfriend. Says the company: "Sometimes it even inspires just enough jealousy to jolt that special person into committing." Because what relationship doesn't need a little passive aggressive manipulation?
Creator Matthew Homann had the idea following his divorce, when he created a similar Invisible Girlfriend platform in 2013. He says people download it for a myriad of heartbreaking reasons, which include, but are not limited to: because they've never had a real boyfriend or girlfriend, because they want to practice for the real thing, or because they're soldiers who want to pretend they have a girlfriend back home. Boner … deflating.
But the Invisible Boyfriend isn't just for the lonely. Fake love offers plenty of revenge potential in the rebound arena. Essentially, you're getting revenge on yourself because revenge using a fake boyfriend doesn't count, but we'll #letitslide. It's also an effective way to shut up your grandparents and parents and friends and bosses and pet sitters and kidney doctors who won’t let you live your single life in peace. Plus, it's way more effective than the low-tech alternative: actually getting a real boyfriend. Not gonna happen, woo!
To create your Invisible Boyfriend, you first begin by choosing a name, age, photo, and personality trait for your nonexistent partner. It's LGBT-friendly too, so you can really go to town.
The site even lets you create a backstory for how you met, which is not psychotic at all.
When all is said and done, you'll be officially off the market and having conversations like these:
We can feel the romance in the air.
The one thing you can't do with your invisible boyfriend is have invisible sex. However, that doesn't mean your vibrate button is off limits.
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