It lives. Pieced together from scraps of various food groups and acid trips like some sort of edible Frankenstein, Taco Bell's long-awaited Waffle Taco has finally risen from the shadowy depths of the fast food breakfast hellhole.

It lives. Pieced together from scraps of various food groups and acid trips like some sort of edible Frankenstein, Taco Bell's long-awaited Waffle Taco has finally risen from the shadowy depths of the fast food breakfast hellhole.

Sent to this earth with the express purpose to destroy your intestines, the Waffle Taco contains three distinct flavor layers designed to deliver whatever microorganism causes diarrhea best. There's a waffle that masquerades as an A.M. taco shell, some circular meet, and some cheesy eggs, all stacked on top of each other like a gastrointestinal atom bomb. It's served with a side of "sweet syrup" you can douse it in, but we have a sinking feeling the more syrup you drizzle on it, the stronger the Waffle Taco becomes. Like a gremlin.

But although the Waffle Taco is clearly the ringleader in Taco Bell's new gang of breakfast items, it's not without its henchmen. Flanking the food beast on either side are breakfast items such as the hexagonal A.M. Crunchwrap, some mean looking breakfast burritos, and Cinnabon Delights, which are Taco Bell's way of saying "Don't you wish you were at the airport right now?" Because you and I both know that the airport is the only safe place for Cinnabon consumption. Take a look at what fresh atrocities your digestive system has to look forward to:

You can put any of these items in your mouth and attempt to digest them come March 27th, the day that Taco Bell's breakfast menu goes national.

But Taco Bell isn't the only fast food empire trying to get you to eat / hobo bathe in its bathroom before 11 a.m. Not to be outdone by TB's flashy new menu, McDonald's will be extending its breakfast hours to accommodate the lifestyle of all the super hip millennials it thinks are its friends. Because there's nothing, and we mean nothing, that you the consumer love more than spending the first waking hours of your day at the nearest fast food joint, suckling down brown water that says it's "coffee" and masticating sugary sweet fried dough balls. See you in the diabetes clinic, dear friend.