Sweden wants you go to fuck yourself. Literally.

A landmark trial in Sweden last week ended with courts deciding that public masturbation is not a crime, unless it's "directed at someone." Basically you can't J.O. at a person, but you can totally beat the bologna while the world watches.

The decision came after this happened: last June, an old-ish man was on the beach in Stockholm, when he decided that he was super-duper horny. So, he took off his shorts, waddled over the ocean where he proceeded to "masturbate into it," in front of everyone on the beach. They weren't having it, and his penis was probably getting in their sand castles, so they called the police. He was originally charged with sexual assault, but was acquitted last week after a judge ruled that he was more trying to fuck the ocean, than anyone in particular and that he had not committed a crime.

"For this to be a criminal offense it's required that the sexual molestation was directed towards one or more people," public prosecutor Olof Vrethammar said. "I think the court's judgment is reasonable. With that we can conclude that it is okay to masturbate on the beach."

And we at Rooster can conclude that expanding our distribution into Sweden is a great idea.