TSA, always ruining the party

TSA lines are the equivalent of living hell. Not only do we have to stand in line for 20 minutes stoking our misanthrope ways as we stare at random people that make us uncomfortable, we then have to disrobe in order to pass the screening section which always gives us a slight panic attack thinking we might have left last weekend’s party favors in a side pocket or accidentally brought a gun although we don’t own one. We could hardly imagine the heart arrhythmia we’d incur if we were attempting to bring 69 pounds of cocaine through the checkpoint like one Jet Blue flight attendant tried to do.

According to authorities, the flight attendant was selected by the Transportation Security Administration at random on Friday for a secondary security screening at Los Angeles International Airport, which isn’t typical for crew members.

The criminal complaint alleges that after she entered the secondary screening area, she dropped her bag, kicked off her Gucci heels and fled, running down an upward escalator. Seems about right for someone fleeing drug charges.

Unfortunately, when you’re a flight attendant and your name is on record, running from the police is like stealing from a bank you just deposited in, they know who you are.

Authorities searched the bag and discovered not a set of extra clothes but a whole bunch of booger sugar that couldn’t have been for personal consumption. 

“The abandoned luggage was subsequently found to contain eleven individually wrapped packages that each contained a mixture or substance containing a detectable amount of cocaine that, in total, weighed approximately 68.49 pounds,” the complaint states.

The woman was taken into custody on Wednesday after officials say she surrendered to the Drug Enforcement Administration at John F. Kennedy International Airport, reports CBS Los Angeles.

She now faces 19 years in jail for drug trafficking. Our advice would have been to take a red eye to Mexico and never come back to the states, but instead she took a plane to New York. Amateur hour if you ask us.