What better way to celebrate the birthday of America than by shoveling an obscene amount of hot dogs down your throat and proving that freedom can also be delicious? Joey Chestnut, the man referred to as "Jaws" or as we like to call him, "Deep Throat," took home his 7th consecutive Nathan's hot dog eating contest win after consuming 69 frankfurters and buns in 10 minutes setting a new hot dog eating record and beating the previous record set in 2009 by none other than Jaws himself of 68. While most people might view this act of gluttonous pork consumption as direct trip to the ER, fans of Major League Eating view Joey as a pork God. The 29-year-old was hoisted to the eating platform in a mustard-colored king's throne in honor of his dominance of the sport. To show you the impressive power of Joey's deep throat, second place came in at a distant and pathetic 51 hot dogs and buns. 

But when all is said and done and the bread crumbs have settled, a win for Joey is also a win for America. Fat kids everywhere can now take comfort knowing that while they can't compete in physical education and anything resembling exercise, their love for all things edible – or close to – could pay dividends and they to could one day join Major League Eating.