Just Stop is a weekly feature in which we implore you to cut that shit out right this second. This week: Coachella.

Please. We beg of you. Stop this nonsense.

Stop making fun of Coachella. Stop it now.

The floral crowns and cultural appropriation outfits. The festival selfies and crying Michael Jordan totems. The Kardashian/Jenner clan sightings and neon Kyles.

We get it.

Yes, girls at Coachella all originated from the same lab-grown mother organism and budded off only to scamper, wet and naked, into the nearest Nasty Gal, emerging magnificent and lacy with dangly things and hats.

Yes, these girls will claim to "only go for the music."

Yes, wolf packs of bro-bros can be seen swarming around the Calvin Harris mosh pit, momentarily upset that their $10 faux Ray Bans are not useful in moonlight.

Yes, they are on molly.

Yes, it is actually bath salts.

Yes, Axl Rose of Guns N' Roses is a fat boy. He sure is.

We get it. Stop making fun of it.

Not because it's not true. It's very true.

Rather, you need to stop because it's low-hanging fruit. It's just too easy. Pedestrian, even.

For the sake of your own comedic growth and the entertainment of those around you, focus on more nuanced, unexpected forms of mockery. For example: what it would be like to intern at Hot Pockets. Why we should have a TV show called America's Next Top Veterinarian. How you can fabricate a comparison between your fear of pooping in public and the band Rush.

Because after all, when you say everything there is to be said about Coachella, you lose the ability to make fun of it — and Coachella wins. It stomps on your bloody heart with its chic mockasin-ed heel, courtesy of Urban Outfitters.

So please, don't give it any more power. Find something else to ridicule that makes you seem like a thoughtful non-lemur. You're not that funny anyway, so you'd best stick to more evolved subject matter. Okay? Okay. 

Thank you, and enjoy the rest of your life.