I've always found it funny how we humans handle money. Especially when it comes to the art of tipping. Let's face it folks, we're living in an era where everywhere you purchase anything there’s an option to leave a tip. “How much extra are you going to pay for that coffee?” The answer is always, “More than
Now, I can’t even grab my morning caffeine fix without an iPad begging for a tip like a dog drooling for a treat. “Hey there, can you spare an extra 20% for pouring hot water over beans?” Who doesn’t love a side of moral dilemma with their morning brew? Not to mention, with inflation, that 20% tip may feel like a lot when your cold brew is already $7 out the door. Inflation, now there's a riot. I thought it was just what happened to my ego after a killer set at a comedy show but no, apparently it's also why I feel like I've played a round of blackjack with Dustin Hoffman from Rainman every time I pay for dinner. What about the audacious option to tip 75% or more? Who is that for? No, seriously. Who the hell is that for? I’m looking at you Mr. Beast!
Internet panhandling has become the new norm. You've seen it. These Venmo handles are nonchalantly tossed into Instagram bios like croutons on a salad. These people want a tip for simply EXISTING! Oh, there's a picture of your cat, and oh, what's this? A Venmo handle that’s more casually placed than a celebrity's name listed on Jeffrey Epstein's flight log. Everyone's Instagram profile is morphing into a digital street corner with a cardboard sign, "Will post selfies for tips." In the good old days, you tip your waiter, your bartender, maybe your Uber driver if they managed to avoid potholes like a champion or spare you of the bullshit small talk, but now? I'm half expecting my dentist will end my next teeth cleaning by flipping an iPad around asking, “How was your gum torture session today? Good, fair, or 'I’ll see you in therapy'?”
However, let's try on the server's apron for a moment. Picture them as frontline soldiers in the gastronomic apocalypse, ducking under a barrage of fries and sesame seed buns. Their medal of honor? Watching me, your everyday stoner, tackle tip calculations like I'm trying to decipher hieroglyphics. It's a great American tradition! Did you know that in other places around the world like Japan, tipping is as rare as a Trump rally in Boulder? In France, the act of tipping is borderline offensive, sure the service sucks, but STILL! Meanwhile, not tipping in the States is like wearing Crocs to a black-tie event or at all—social suicide. Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to rethink our approach. What if we followed the lead of other countries and rolled service charges into the cost of a meal? I know, it sounds as revolutionary as free healthcare, but it seems to work for them!
With that being said, here in America, it’s not the waiter you’re frustrated with when you're calculating that tip; they're just trying to make a living in a country that's more confusing than hand stuff on a second date. Maybe we need to tip the system on its head, rather than tipping into an iPad. It’s an odd world folks, but for the empathetic readers, we need to stick together because if we can't laugh at the madness of tip culture, then the joke's really on us. So let's keep our humor intact and our tips generous until America gets on the same page as the majority of our first world counterparts because the world might be a stage, but it doesn't mean we can't enjoy the show. Oh, and one more thing. If you enjoyed this article feel free to Venmo me