They're gonna sell way, way too many of these … 

People might think their cat is different than all the others and that it totally loves them, but that furry piece of shit would much rather be free, running through a field and eating mice instead of watching you cry into a Lean Cuisine. They're basically little lions, and as a form of protest against your wrongful imprisonment, they shed everywhere, ruin your stuff and shit in a box — all while poisoning your brain with their feces. It's true. Look it up. 

But we all know that one person. They're pretty weird, but instead of spending the time to cultivate human relationships, they just buy a cat and think that this mind-controlling box-shitter is a true friend. 

As they dive even deeper into this madness, they want to bond with their cat the same way they might bond with their own kittens. We all remember The Office episode where Angela licks her cats, right? 

Sadly, real people actually want to do this — and now they can, because of the Internet. 

Enter the Licki Brush. You stick it in your mouth, much like a baby's pacifier, and use the extended brush to simulate the act of feline grooming. All this, of course, makes you think you're bonding with your pet, but in fact you're just fucking nuts. 

And no, this isn't a joke. 

If you need this to be you, you can visit their website, but the Kickstarter isn't up quite yet. Or you could get rid of your cat and make a friend. Either way.