Lindsey Looselips answers your questions about talking dirty and blowing it too soon
I suffer from premature ejaculation, what’s the best approach to helping me last longer?
In my epic quest to achieve control over my own orgasms, I once had the extraordinary privilege of talking with 90-year-old professional masturbator Betty Dodson. Betty taught me about the power of ‘edging,’ and now it’s my time to pass that golden nugget of knowledge onto you.
Premature ejaculators sometimes turn to numbing ‘delay sprays,’ condoms designed to desensitize, or erectile dysfunction drugs to postpone their grand finale, but 95 percent of men are able to improve their timing issues by practicing simple masturbation techniques like ‘edging.’
Essentially, you jerk off until you’re on the verge of orgasm, and then you drop your dick like a hot potato. You let yourself cool down, then you start back up again, yanking yourself through a continual cycle of intensifying excitement and devastating denial. Edging builds stamina and helps you develop the self-control to avoid blowing your load every time a stiff breeze grazes the crotch of your pants.
When you’re ready to bring your skills to the bedroom, back down from your ‘point of no return’ by taking a minute to pleasure your partner. For them, a little flick of the tongue or finger titillation. For you, another escalating round on the carnal merry-go-round of narrowly avoiding orgasm.
When your partner inevitably thanks you for giving them hours of sexual pleasure, tell them all thanks goes to Betty, the elderly sex coach whose raw erotic wisdom helped you power through those vinegar strokes.
I want my boyfriend to start talking dirty in the bedroom, what can I do to encourage that?
Lead by example, you ignorant slut! The number one hangup keeping couples from dirty talk is the fear that it’ll sound insincere. Next time you’re bumping uglies, genuinely let him know how much you’re enjoying yourself. Feel free to start small: even a simple ‘don’t stop,’ ‘just like that,’ or ‘you feel so good’ might make him spontaneously spew like a runaway firehose.
Better yet, make dirty talk a shared goal. Collaboration is essential since different phrases can have drastically different outcomes depending on the person — what may arouse one person might make someone else laugh or cry.
Try watching porn together for inspiration on what to say, how to sound, or learn which kinks get each other feeling hot and bothered. The goal of this sexercise is to identify the specific ‘themes’ that get your genitals purring. Submissive or dominant? Praise or humiliation? Begging or demanding? Trial and error is the key to discovering the concepts or phrases that put one another on the high-speed choochoo train to Ejaculation Station.
5 Colorado Pickup Lines (lol)
1. “Baby, are you the housing market? Because I definitely cannot afford you.”
2. “How do you like your eggs? Fertilized? From an antibiotic, free-range chicken who I have no doubt is a sentient being with remarkable self-consciousness?”
3. “You’re like the weather report: you’re giving me inches and you’re never right.”
4. “Are you the stairs at Red Rocks? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.”
5. “Are you a parking ticket, because you’ve got fine written ... god damn it, you’re an actual parking ticket.”
Have a burning question that needs answers or ointment? Email Lindsey at: lindsey@theRooster.com