Unless you love strife and haunted fires, holiday travel, or any travel for that matter, should absolutely, positively, not include these locations.

Unless you love strife and haunted fires, holiday travel, or any travel for that matter, should absolutely, positively, not include these locations.

>> Liberia, Africa

Expose yourself to the breath-taking views of this majestic West African nation — just don’t expose yourself too much, as the “Pepper Coast” sits at ground zero for the rampantly annoying Ebola virus. And unlike the nurse who contracted Ebola in Texas and then traveled on a Frontier Airlines flight with the symptoms, the virus will definitely ruin your travel plans.

Ripe with civil conflict and government corruption, Liberia boasts beautiful beaches and an illustrious U.N. peacekeeping operation of 15,000 soldiers — the most expansive U.N. operation of its kind.

While there, don’t miss your opportunity to pick up a few big diamonds for your collection since, in 2007, the U.N. lifted the ban on diamond exports because it was funding the civil war.

Famous For: Current Ebola outbreak.

Try Hard To See: World’s pathetic attempt at helping a grave situation … and the tree crops.

Worthwhile If You Can Make It: Transshipment ports for Asian heroin, African diamonds, Russian weapons and South American cocaine trafficking to U.S. and Europe. Did someone say souvenirs?

>> Donetsk, Ukraine

Lush fields and posh communist structures await your urban safari as the ceasefire between the Ukrainian Army and pro-Russian separatists — or volunteers as Valdi might call them — comes in and out of significance. Although the airport is currently under siege, Ukraine offers a multitude of transportation options not victim to civil strife.

Donetsk does provide something your other tropical destinations can’t, and that’s nipple-freezing, 22-degree temperatures and bone-crushing 88-percent humidity during the winter. Don’t worry, gunfire will warm the air immediately, making winter — and your overall safety — feel a million miles away.

While there, make sure to take in the pro-separatist parades of current Ukrainian soldiers, and yes, this includes pelting them with candy and other items like the locals do. All in all, Donetsk can be an exhausting and eventful vacation destination for all you outgoing and brave tourists.

Famous For: Not having Russian forces present in the area.

Try Hard To See: The point in all of this fighting.

Worthwhile If You Can Make It: Ukraine’s other fractured regions that are picking sides.

>> Kobani, Syria

The recently acquired ISIS stronghold boasts a cathartic array of temperatures perfect for the first-time traveler interested in the cool nights of dissolution and the exfoliating sandstorms of mid-afternoon.

When you’re not maneuvering the shellings of liberation or ducking the United States air siege, bathe in the juvenescent waters of the Euphrates River, which might or might not be your last encounter with water as ISIS doesn’t care for Westerners and will most likely look down upon your vacationing rituals.

Ranked among the world’s most corrupt countries due to civil instability, chemical weapon use and a regime hell-bent on ruining your holiday travel plans, Syria should be a first-choice destination for travel enthusiasts interested vacationing without a return ticket since the Turkish barbwire fences make it extremely difficult to sight-see … or leave.

Famous For: Humanitarian atrocities … and Middle Eastern food.

Try Hard To See: Useless U.S. airstrike campaigns.

Worthwhile If You Can Make It: Demascus; the farooj (roasted chicken with chilies and onions) is out of this world, like Assad’s view of justice.

>> China’s Ghost Cities

Don’t miss out on the ultimate time-share opportunity that doesn’t involve breakfast or a sly, greasy salesman ogling your quivering lip. China’s economic surge, edgy stock market and government restrictions on investing abroad have presented the ultimate worst investment opportunity that the recently wealthy, Chinese middle class are gobbling up like it’s Mao Zedong pizza.

Essentially, the middle class is buying apartments in China’s third-tier cities that they don’t need because it’s the only investment opportunity. What does this mean for you? Buy, of course. You can’t miss out on anything China according to everyone and his producer/editor.

Visit the insidious swathes of vacant buildings that stretch for miles along with the vacant commercial malls equipped with nonfunctional elevators and empty storefronts. Smell that? It’s called opportunity, and it’s knocking on your vacant apartment’s door.

Famous For: Making plastic signs for Nike, Apple and other brands in order to mimic what the empty mall has the potential to look like.

Try Hard To See: The packs of poor people and their housing fastidiously removed by bulldozers.

Worthwhile If You Can Make It: The Hong Kong protests … everyone loves a good protest.

>> U.S. 36

The concrete highway to Heaven many Coloradan’s traverse on their daily commute offers indispensable views of Colorado’s most beautiful suburban black holes: Westminster, Superior, Broomfield and Louisville. Bask in sunshine and the angst of mental anxiety while you crawl through stand-still traffic for miles, hoping that someday, it all just ends … your life, that is.

Luckily for you, construction on U.S. 36 is a 24-hour oasis of shit, meaning you’ll never miss an opportunity to dodge in and out of lanes hoping to catch a lucky break. Spoiler alert: It never happens. Does it get any better than this? Sure it does. Two times a day, share your indignations with other fellow drivers as rush hour pushes you to the boiling point, resulting in an insatiable urge to lay on the horn and cry.

After all, U.S. 36 is a destination where everyone, together, can live the dream.

Famous For: That one asshole who just doesn’t know how to drive.

Try Hard To See: When the construction project will end.

Worthwhile If You Can Make It: Your final destination.