Fear not masturbators, those endless hours of dimming the lights, positioning the computer perfectly and letting the good times begin are not all in vain. You now have a chance to help others while helping yourself.

Philadelphia is hosting its first annual Masturbate-a-thon to mark the beginning of National Masturbation Month – not that you needed a national month for motivation. Similar to sponsoring a runner, individuals can sponsor a masturbator, donating money for every hour the participant spends taking care of business. The money will then be donated to local sex education groups ScrewSmart and PleasureRush! in an effort to bring awareness to, and reduce the stigma behind, expressing sexuality, promoting sexual health and emphasizing the importance of pleasure. Even though most guys learn the importance of daily pleasure at a young age. 

But if we have to do it for the charities, then damn it, we'll do it for the charities.  

Event coordinators understand that long hours and extreme excitement can be tiresome and for that reason, they've organized a closing ceremony aptly named "Creamium," which is so crude we can't even begin to fathom that it was named by the city and not a fetish website. At the event, participants will receive awards for such things as best fantasy and most money raised.

We aren't going to lie, the last place we want to be is a room full of masturbators talking about their accomplishments. That's not good for anyone.