The fast food chain knows what it is and what it's done …
Over the past half decade or so, McDonald's has lost more than 500 million orders, most of them to other fast food joints around the country. To combat the loss, it's gone so far as to rebrand itself in various forms including a late-night hangout, a fast casual dining trendsetter and has even masqueraded as a fancy coffee shop from time to time. None of this has worked to gain new customers. At all.
You can't polish a turd.
So in a recent presentation to its investors, the global behemoth has finally admitted defeat. It's hereby saying 'fuck it' and going back to its roots.
The burger chain is on a mission to gain old customers back by providing them with new experiences. To do so, it's first planning to offer decent meals with fresher ingredients — now also providing three different sizes of the iconic Big Mac sandwich. Cashiers are also going to be systematically phased out, with electronic ordering kiosks taking their place (those people will still have jobs, however, acting as more of a host/waiter for a better dining experience rather than a simple order taker who probably won't get it right anyway).
Along with those changes, McDonald's plans to rollout over a billion-and-a-half dollars worth of renovations and a dedicated delivery service that will bring the food to your hungover ass whenever you like. Mobile pay and convenience is the future, the company says.
“We’re not the same McDonald’s we were two years ago or even six months ago,” said CEO Steve Easterbrook, who is calling the change a much needed way to take care of loyal McD's fans rather than try to seduce new ones.
Oh yeah, right, and they're finally fixing the fucking McFlurry machines nationwide.
Whether or not the move will make a dent in its losses is up to American tastes, though it will save all that time and money trying to be something it's not. Embracing who you are is a lesson we can all learn from. Glad to see McD's learning a valuable lesson most of us did our sophomore year in high school.
Better late than never.