Yeah, so there are people out there that love McDonald's Special Sauce (fucking Thousand Island dressing) so much that they're willing to pay the price of a car, a semester's tuition, or between three and four miniature ponies just to have it in their homes.

Yeah, so there are people out there that love McDonald's Special Sauce (fucking Thousand Island dressing) so much that they're willing to pay the price of a car, a semester's tuition, or between three and four miniature ponies just to have it in their homes.

That's right, because after years of copycat recipes and futile attempts on the part of society to guess the two ingredients in it (ketchup and mayonnaise), McDonald's is selling a limited number of "Big Mac special Sauce" bottles for the very first time – on eBay.

Only 200 of the 500ml goblets of golden gastronomy are being sold, with proceeds going to the Ronald McDonald House charity.

Yesterday morning, "Bottle #1" had a bid price of roughly $18,000 … and there are eight days left of the auction, which means the bids on that piece of food fuckery could reach the hundreds of thousands. Drug lord money right there.

Meanwhile, a bottle of Thousand Island dressing will run you about $2.50, but we know some of you just like to watch the world burn.

The eBay listing even thinks it's funny … it jokes that the Big Mac sauce will make "your boyfriend's gross lasagne" taste better.

"But why stop there?" it implores you. "Cupcakes, ice cream, macaroni jewellery, fish oil capsules. Don’t like brussel sprouts? You will now! With 500ml to play with, you’ll have enough to impress your friends at dinner parties, cheat your way to cooking show fame, and get elected as Prime Minister!"

Finally, something to improve the taste of not macaroni, but macaroni jewelry. Ha ha ha, someone hire this eBay page to do stand-up at my wedding.

Some "lucky" fans will also be able to buy small, 25 ml containers of the sauce at 950 locations across Australia for 50 cents apiece. Currently, the Special Sauce is only available in the outback with no plans to offer it to the obese, sauce-rabid mouths of United States citizens.

McDonald's is doing this to us because it's been having a bad year. Struggling with falling sales, its 2014 fourth quarter sales were down $1.4 billion from the year before.

But, they've got even more tricks up their clown sleeves to remedy that aside from Thousand Island auctions. They recently unveiled a campaign that allows some (see: some) customers to pay for their food with "lovin"—such as fist bumping, hugging, or blowing a kiss. Blowing a dick or bumping a kiss are not valid methods of payment.

Only some randomy selected U.S. McDonald's restaurants will take on the "lovin'" challenge, and the promo will only last until Valentine's Day, where you can hopefully supplement the lack of sexual exchange for burgers with a different kind of sexual exchange at home. Shit, if you come over on V-Day we'll make you a burger ourselves AND put Thousand Island on it, because you're worth it.