We liked the old, obese, cleptomaniac, ginger-haired Hamburglar. And the fact that McDonald's stopped using him in ads. 

Why the hell does everything have to be cool and hip anymore? Or fun or edgy? Or rebooted, for that matter? Maybe we're just hung over, but we've had just about enough of marketing teams deciding that they need to shovel the same old shit in front of us — but this time, they're riding a skateboard and they're a model or something. Good god, leave us alone. 

McDonald's newest assault on your person comes in the form of a rehashed Hamburglar … but this time, he's not a fat ginger with a speech impediment.

He's sexy! He's cool! For god's sake, he's wearing high tops and skinny jeans! Please eat our hamburgers now!

Does this hamburger smell like chloroform? Have a big wiff and let me know. 

Just when you think you couldn't hate a corporation more, McDonald's goes and does something like this.