Melissa Williams, 46, made waves in the weird Venn diagram that is sex work and law enforcement after the Arapahoe County Sheriff’s Office found out about the police veteran’s Only Fans account. 

According to KDVR, Williams, a police veteran of 28 years, “retired” with a $30,000 separation agreement instead of dealing with an internal affairs investigation revolving around her OnlyFans page.

For those who don’t know, Only Fans is known as a website where you can see your high school classmates naked in exchange for a nominal subscription fee. 

“I was a really good cop. I was a really good cop, and I was a really good leader,” Williams told KDVR,  later adding that there weren’t any problems with the 18-month-old account until a female officer from a neighboring department filed a complaint, presumably due to her own respective milkshakes failing to bring any boys to the yard.

The complaint, filed on Aug. 5, stated that William’s had poor judgement that “was a discredit to the Arapahoe County Sheriff’s Office.”

Apparently, a spokesperson for the Arapahoe County Sheriff’s Office told KDVR that Williams should have gotten permission from the law enforcement agency for a “secondary job.”

Which is utterly ridiculous. If we at the Rooster had to ask permission from our boss every time we wanted to earn a little extra dough selling pictures of ourselves sitting naked in bathtubs of spaghetti sauce, we’d never find the time to write.

Williams is still running the OnlyFans page, with her appearing to lean into the recent media fiasco around her work. On her page, she points out she’s a retired sheriff’s office lieutenant, in addition to being “The MILF you see at the grocery store.”

While we appreciate the sentiment, it’s worth noting that our safe word didn’t work the last time that we were told to “stop resisting.”

If you’ve gotten this far and you still don’t know what a MILF is, just know it stands for “Man I Love Frogs.”

For all you cougar-hunting bootlickers out there, William’s Onlyfans can be found at @the_real_bella_lexi.

Meanwhile, this recent event has rendered the Arapahoe County Sheriff’s Office facing worker shortages. If you or a loved one was ever bullied in middle school, struck by your stepdad, given a terrible power complex, or even if you’re just as hot as Stifler’s mom, consider applying.