When you're really pissed at someone, you know, when you just really want to tell them how you feel, just man up, walk over to their apartment…and furiously scribble a passive-aggressive note to them so you don't have to confront them in person! That's exactly what one woman did when her neighbor wouldn't stop having incredibly loud sex. Let's see how well that worked out, shall we?

A feud over the deafening moans of pleasure emanating from a Chicago woman's apartment fueled the most passive-aggressive fight we've ever seen. Apparently, some people don't enjoy hearing their neighbors primal screams of bliss as much as we do.

Neighbor 1, after having her eardrums repeatedly shattered by oohs and aahs of the same decibel level as a jet-engine, left this little beauty on Neighbor 2's door. 

Could you please put a record on super loud or something when you are FUCKING?? I'd really appreciate NOT having to hear every single trust [sic] and moan right through the f—ing wall. And I'm SURE you'd rather not share THAT info with complete strangers. Luckily for me, it never lasts very long.

Neighbor 2, who  luckily had a moment in between blaring orgasms, received Neighbor 1's little love note, and penned this response. She wasn't about to be shamed into silence, oh no she wasn't.

Dear Neighbor,

My, my! How lovely to meet you in this incredibly tactful, kind + civilized manner. Did you really need to post your hissyfit on my door like a whiney scarlet letter? … Your obvious frustration from my pleasure saddens + confuses me. I'm not yelling, or anything terribly disrespectful. Apparently, we have the thinnest walls on Earth because — I assure you — the moans you're so upset by are masturbation induced. That's why it "doesn't last very long." I know what I'm doing and porn is free, + I have the best vibrator. I got it at Taboo Taboo [sic] down the street. You should really invest in one — you sound a bit, uh, tense…


I am proud of my sexuality, so your attempted SLUT-SHAMING is useless here. Had you approached me n a respectful manner, I would have been happy to oblige. But we all know our rent is exorbitant. I pay enough to do whatever I please in the privacy of my own home. AND PLEASE I SHALL! I suggest you whip out your big girl panties and deal with it.

Much love!

– The girl in 517

We'd like to note that at no point did these feuding broads meet each other in person or hear each other's voices (minus the moaning). Instead, they opted to bitch it out the old fashioned way; door notes. Man, it sounds like passive-aggressive door notes are the new way to tell someone how you feel. Maybe that's why this was on the door of our office refrigerator today…