Replace Babies and toy trucks with a kid-friendly weed growing kit and what do you get? A much more valuable child.
In Colorado's ever-expanding marijuana industry, we need all the extra help producing the cannabis crop we can get.
But since adults are expensive and stupid, we desperately need another option to keep production running at full steam.
Introducing: children. Other than relying on you moment-to-moment for survival, their schedules are pretty open, and their little hands are perfect for maximizing output efficiency by reaching the baby buds that adult hands often miss. Why not put them to work harvesting crops for the family business?
Well, now you can with the My First Grow, the first-ever marijuana growing kit aimed at teaching toddlers the ins and outs of profitable marijuana cultivation.
Complete with a cartoon mascot called Leafy and child-friendly stickers, it's got everything kids need to run and operate a successful grow.
My First Grow founder Greg Londsdale got the brilliant idea for the kit after he realized just how far the weed industry has come. These days, you can smoked out of a copy of Infinite Jest, lose your ability to operate a moving vehicle with weed beer, and legally dab with your nana. Weed is everywhere, and is in everything. Kids should be able to participate in the revolution.
That's the thinking behind the kid-friendly weed kits, but before you start squawking about child safety and blah blah blah, know that Lonsdale does not suggest that kids smoke the product they grow. No one's encouraging parents to roll a fat joint for their kids here, or that little Timmy starts slanging his home-grown bud at preschool.
Rather, the kits, which contain hemp-producing sativa seeds with less than one percent THC content, are simply meant to familiarize children with the benefits hemp cultivation and personal agriculture.
"The idea came from my four-year-old nephew," Londsdale told Broadly. "He was playing with his grow your own tomato kit and I jokingly said to my sister that she should get him a cannabis/hemp one so he learns about hemp as a resourceful plant as opposed to a dangerous drug—and she loved it, so I made it."
Unsurprisingly, Londsdale is very pro-legalization, but in countries like the UK where he lives, both weed and hemp are still illegal. There, you can't grow hemp at all, simply because most governments are run by brain-dead idiots who can't tell the difference between hemp and pot. This is why, as My First Grow puts it: "We believe cannabis should be legalized and that children and adults alike should begin educating themselves about the myriad of uses and benefits it can provide."
When asked about what type of feedback he's gotten about his kits, he pointed out that his 80-year-old grandma doesn't need a license to grow poppy seeds which could ostensibly be used for heroin or opium production … so it doesn't make sense that people aren't able to grow hemp. This highlights the still-pervasive cognitive dissonance that exists when it comes to weed, and that people are still talking about it with outdated language. This is something he's found most people relate to pretty well.
"The biggest stamp of approval came from Erin [the mother of Brave Mykayla, who campaigns for cannabis therapy for children] on Facebook, when she said she'd let her daughter have one. To have someone whose child medicates with cannabis supporting My First Grow was a real moment for me," he said.
Alright, well even if My First Grow isn't actually intended to help involve children in large-scale marijuana production like we hoped it was, the kits still come with a valuable lesson: if kids aren't growing pot for you, they should be growing hemp, which you can disguise as pot and sell down at the courthouse. Or, at the very least, they can make you a t-shirt or some hemp milk or something.
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