Each month we waste a bunch of time on the Internet looking at cool shit we'll never be able to buy because of crippling student loan debt. But … maybe you can, so here are some of the best of the best (reminder: Greenpeace Day is right around the corner and we do accept gifts for such an occasion).

Neon Eggplant Emoji Sign
Nothing says, “I’m single and here’s why” more than fleeting pop culture references used as cheeky home décor. But we’re not thumb-tacking Marvel posters to the wall here, oh no, this is a genuine dick reference through classic mid-century medium. And if the phallus isn’t your bag, Neon MFG has dozens of other retro-meets-now varieties to choose from.
NeonMFG.com  //  $90

Vans x Frida Kahlo
Yoooo, Vans is on triple fire with these new drops featuring famed Mexican artist Frida Kahlo. From the classic self-portrait slip-ons to the “Las Dos Fridas” hi-tops, these all seem to be a welcome addition to any collector’s neatly catalogued closet. Or just go full Frida and wear them straight out the box, crease the fuckers, with extra YOLO. Cop one, cop ‘em all. Whatever you do, hurry — supplies are limited! 
Vans.com  //  $80 – $95

Bathroom Guest Book
So your apartment has become the unofficial party den of the entire Front Range — with one tiny bathroom that triples as an overflow closet and drug counter. Cool. To remember all the good times, might we suggest a bathroom guest book for your friends to post a thoughtful review while doing the do? Writing notes, the original social media.
Amazon.com  //  $13

The Real Dill Bloody Mary Mix
We’ve drank a war god’s portion of infused vegetables and have never found anything that comes close to The Real Dill’s bloody mix. Something about that handcrafted, in-house special recipe (a main ingredient is cucumber infused water that’s a byproduct of the company’s pickling process) that gives the mix a full garden-licking flavor. Brunch drunk, elevated.
TheRealDill.com  //  $14 (jar) – $30 (growler)

Oki Brand Hemp Drinks
Oki is a new line of calming hemp-infused drinks that crosses off all the crunchy buzzwords: non-GMO, all natural, organic, plant based and vegan friendly. The management team was also pivotal in bringing the world Red Bull, so … uppers and downers, everyone. Uppers and downers. Multiple varieties can be found at select locations throughout Colorado and California — or online.
FeelOki.com  //  $5-$6