Seriously, is it safe to eat anything?

Go ahead … go get that Big Mac. Or anything cheesy and greasy, and give yourself a pat on the back for it. You can eliminate yourself from the growing demographic of youngsters falling victim to this year's trendiest eating disorder: orthorexia nervosa, or an unhealthy obsession with healthy eating. Sounds like an oxymoron, right? Turns out, when it comes to salad and sprouts, there can be too much of a good thing.

Topping the list of first-world problems this season, orthorexia is taking the cake. Literally, it's taking cake away. Targeting mostly upper-middle class millennials, orthorexia is gaining notoriety as a body-melting, identity-stripping, cleanse-drowning devil of a disorder defined as a dangerous infatuation with consuming plants and only plants. The medical world is just beginning to take it as seriously as eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia. The only real difference: its victims are mostly vegans and preachy health-gurus that tend make us ashamed about our own pizza addictions. Boy, a greasy plate of carcinogenic-rich bacon never sounded so noble.

If you're rolling your eyes at this point, you're not alone. The shame of being addicted to gastropurity is like that of being addicted to yoga or oxygen or helping the elderly … somehow, it's just hard to feel empathy when it takes all of my mental and physical fortitude to not drink before noon. On the upside, processed meats just got a little redemption, don'tcha think?

Despite her desire to just eat a fucking bag of Doritos right now, this orthorexic can't help but devour peppers.

Like all trends that make us cringe before we eventually succumb to them, this one points to L.A. roots. Jordan Younger — an L.A.-based hottie whose daily grind involves beach yoga and blogging about her lifestyle — is the sweetheart of the anti-orthorexia movement. Last week she released her book "Breaking Vegan" — an autobiographical account of her journey through and beyond her "vegan adventures," which sound infinitely more exciting than they probably were.

If the book-length version of her struggle with "plant-based fanaticism" can't squeeze its way into your weekend pleasure reading, read her down-and-dirty testimonial for She laments her crackhead-esque cleanse benders, developing Oompa Loompa skin, the strife of being a hot skinny blonde, and some vegetable-induced version of early menopause that she experienced before finally deciding that enough was enough. Although she doesn't delve into snorting kale powder into the morning's wee hours just to get a quick fix, we know all the warning signs, don't we?

Younger isn't the only brave soul to publicly come clean about her struggle with salad and return to regular foods. Actually, her confessions came among a wave of blog posts written this year by equally annoying vegans asking the world to acknowledge their resilience as they shoved cupcakes into their perfect faces. Wow, that must have taken so much courage.

One such survivor, Anna Kavaliunas, gets a few points for straightforward vanity (at least she has one vice) in her essay "I Went Vegan to Get Thin." (My piece will be titled "I Went Alcoholic to Get Popular" … the essay's in its conception stage, along with the outpouring of support I except to receive for my bravery when its published.) Ahem. Anyway…

Kavaliunas switched to a hardcore vegan regiment after realizing its benefits when she moved from New England to L.A.: "I gladly joined the ranks of the no-animal-product eaters — all of whom were seemingly lithe, beautiful, and filled with ethereal energy."

The allure is undeniable.

But, like Younger, Kavaliunas' extreme diet sent her plummeting into an obsessive and addictive mindset, complete with mood changes, severe weight loss, and a skewed sense of self-image. "It was the thought of looking like those perfect L.A. vegans shopping for sprouted grains next to me at Whole Foods that I was driving toward," she writes. "I was saying goodbye to my entire identity." You can read about here traumatic experience in more detail here.

After beating orthorexia, Younger and Kavaliunas became two voices for the Anti-Diet Project, a movement advocating giving zero fucks about calories that I spearheaded years ago. As for Younger, her blogging identity has undergone a downright adorable name change. Formerly known as The Blonde Vegan, the now Balanced Blonde admits to sneaking an occasional cupcake into her more realistic healthy lifestyle. "I've found so much freedom in doing this whole balance thing." Us too, girl, us too.