But it's FDA approved, so it's completely fine. 

Eating food is the best. It's usually packed with fat, salt and sugar, and man … that's the most delicious shit in the entire world. But by eating tons of garbage every day, you turn into a big, slow fatass and you die of heart disease. 

Everyone knows that. We'd love to sit around all day in our underpants, chugging Skittles and pounding prime rib after prime rib, but that would kill us, so we don't do it. It would be awesome, but we're grown-ass adults that know better. Since we're not just like the lab rats that could push a lever to receive a surge of pleasure from brain implants (and they all died, btw), we're better than that. 

But the latest from the mad-scientist medical community is pretty fucking sad. Instead of treating eating disorders at the root by teaching healthy eating and self control, you can now eat all the garbage you want, wait 30 minutes, and bulimia that shit right out into the toilet.

Yeah, we thought it was a joke too. But it's real. 

The device consists of a pump that attaches to hose surgically implanted in a patient's stomach. The hose is connected to a "disk-shaped port valve" that sits flush against the patient's skin, according to a release from the FDA. About 20 to 30 minutes after a meal, the patient opens the valve and for the next 10 minutes drains about 30 percent of the calories consumed.

Yup. You get to gorge on Taco Bell until you're about to pop, then hose it all out into the sink, douche your tummy again, and hose some more. 

There's never been a more American invention, ever. All of the Twinkies with none of the weight gain! It's the best of both worlds, and there's no way this could be harmful or not great in any way.