Who is this “Buzz” character and why has Usher employed him/her to help with the release of his new single “Clueless”? We dig into the news-worthy event like we were kids digging through sugary cereal to find uninspiring plastic crap – like we did in the good old days.

That's a photo of Usher getting weird with his new marketing partner Buzz.

As with all things “real-worldy,” it’s about who you know, not necessarily what you know. A new marketing scheme bred from the almighty Usher and the Honey Nut Cheerios bee proves this, and is coming to cereal boxes in WalMarts soon enough.

In August of this year Usher teamed up with Buzz, the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee, for an animated commercial promoting the health benefits of not only getting off the couch and moving around for a little bit each day, but also of the cereal itself. It was during filming of the TV spot the two sparked a mutual affinity for one another and would eventually breed the newest marketing campaign from the duo: A previously unreleased Usher song available at the bottom of cereal boxes nation-wide. It’s genius.

But to understand the real inspiration behind the campaign, one must dig in to the brains behind it. Buzz, the plainly named mascot, was first introduced to consumers in the 1980s and spent most of his time trying to tempt real life humans with bowls of delicious Honey Nut Cereal.

Back then world problems consisted of having too much money in the middle class, gas prices climbing well above $1 and having to talk to friends on a cumbersome telephone (which was attached to the wall in decadently wallpapered kitchens, like some sort of medieval torture device).

It was absolute hell, yet the bee provided solace to white America – feeding their livelihoods with iron-rich circles of cholesterol-dropping oats.

He spent most of his formative years without a name, and continued to be type-casted by the General Mills Company as a cereal peddling nobody. It wasn’t until 2000 when Kristine Tong, a fifth-grade student from Texas, won a national contest to pen him a name. She unsurprisingly called him “BuzzBee” – kids are so dumb at that age!

Because what the world needs more of is bees named “Buzz,” sheep named “Baaaaa’b” or sloths named “………”

Let’s forget the name for a second. Can we take a moment to reflect on the quiet disbanding of all things toys in cereal boxes nowadays? Can any of you even remember the last time it was when you opened the probably-cancer-causing plastic bag and dug your filthy child hand towards the bottom of a probably-fat-causing sugary cereal to find a piece of uninspiring junk? Where the heck did that experience run off to?

It was the junk that kept us sane and held our parents from having to traipse uphill both ways to purchase consumerist garbage rendering our tantrums void. But now there are no toys, only crumbs. Has democracy really reached this level of lowness?

We’re doomed. We're also at a loss for words on how this will affect the frugal shoppers of the off-brand Honey Nut Scooters. The existential crisis involved in this type of a decision is bound to spark pandemonium.

The new single from Usher titled “Clueless” isn’t even a physical single at the bottom of the box like we were hoping. It is a special release, but is found only in the form of a download code printed at the bottom of the superfluous cardboard shell. Also, it's a special kind of a box, printed only for distribution by WalMart stores. This all wreaks havoc on our expectations …

The single also won’t be included in Usher’s long-awaited album “UR” – it’s merely a one-off release to tide fans over. The new collection of work initially had a 2014 release tag on it, but has since been pushed back. Usher spoke to Billboard about the delay and had this to say about it:

"The album isn't scheduled anymore. I've basically taken it back. I'm taking my time with it. At the end of the day, all of this is just about having fun. You get in the studio (and) go with how you feel."

How we feel is that we’re being gipped by capitalist enterprise and have little to look forward to now that the unstoppable machine has ripped us of our last morning joys. That’s it, we surrender, no more fun or childhood memories … for anyone!