Our cinnamon whiskey shooter shoot-out …

We made our whiskey-hating editor taste-test through every imaginable Fireball knockoff first thing in the morning. When he woke up the next afternoon, this is what he told us (note: our editor is not Will Smith … yet):

Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Fire

70 proof, $22

The secret recipe for this liqueur was recently leaked: melted Red Hots blended with grain alcohol. The flavors of Jack Daniel's comes through smoky, sweet and thick — which is basically par for the course when it comes to cinnamon booze. It’s the most expensive of the lot, so if you want to seem classy but you still want to intoxicate your vapid friends who “honestly can’t even,” this is your new favorite bottle.

Overall: 3 out of 5

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Evan Williams Cinnamon Reserve

70 proof, $15

The “sweet cinnamon heat” from Papa Williams feels like sneaking a big fart in class: less than ideal and potentially capable of ruining your relationship with everyone around you. The flavors feel present, but flat and tired. If your dumbass friend yells, “Let’s do Fireball shots!” and you hate cinnamon whiskey, either get new friends or point them toward this bottle and your night won’t suck as bad.

Overall: 2 out of 5

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Hot Stuff

70 proof, $14

This shot reminded me of getting hit in the ear with a snowball: confusion, throbbing hot pain and disappointment. Hot Stuff is the most aggressive, delivering a sugary, searing wasabi flavor that took the longest to subside. It might get you drunk eventually, but only after adult-onset diabetes and the cinnamon shits have completely ruined your life. Avoid at all costs.

Overall: 1 out of 5

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Feisty Spirits Cinnamon Flavored Whiskey

84 proof, $20

If you actually enjoy the taste of real whiskey, Feisty Spirits is the only bottle that doesn’t just taste like cough medicine and burning. Made up in Fort Collins, they start with actual whiskey and add cinnamon and oatmeal, which results in a rich, smoky taste accented by the extra spices. And you can see the cinnamon sitting at the bottom of the bottle, so you know it’s good.

Overall: 5 out of 5

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Cinerator

91.1 proof, $17

Catering to the masochist in us all, Cinerator delivers twice the fire: one burn from the cayenne, and another bigger burn from the grain alcohol. Around the office, this bottle has earned the name “Satan’s money shot,” and none of us are lining up to jerk off Satan again. It does work as a great punishment drink — remember to throw it over your shoulder when sharing this shot with your “let’s still be friends” ex-GF.

Overall: 2 out of 5

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Jim Beam Kentucky Fire

70 proof, $16

More than ready to ride on the coattails of Fireball’s success, Jim Beam crapped out an imitation as quickly as possible. It’s the alcoholic version of a public bathroom in a foreign country: everything is basically the same, but also worse and scary and dirty. The whiskey comes across medicinal, highly viscous and tingly. The burn is present, but is quickly extinguished by the gooey saccharine flavors. Why, Jim? Why?

Overall: 1 out of 5

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Fireball

66 proof, $15

God, I want to hate Fireball. It’s their fault this genre of alcohol exists in the first place — but son of a bitch, they did pretty well in the taste test. It has the most balanced flavors, it burns without bringing tears to your eyes and it does the job, guaranteeing a sugary hangover before you even finish drinking. As the HPV of cinnamon whiskey, it’s only a matter of time until you find it in your system.

Overall: 4 out of 5