A team of researchers has given one man the extraordinary superhuman power of night vision. We tell you how this happened and what you can use it for.
Humans, for being the semi-naked pinnacles of evolution we are, cannot do one very basic thing: see in the dark. Fucking gelatinous, nasty angler fish can do this … but us? No. We're stuck contemplating our own existence and inventing math.
… Until now. That's because a group of biohackers has figured out a way to inject human eyeballs with night vision. In fact, the minimally-invasive procedure has already allowed a man to see 164 feet in front of him in the dark like he was a goddamn Serengeti cougar. Eat your heart out, Marianas Trench angler fish whose body can magically withstand seven tons of water pressure.
To achieve this superhuman feat, a team from California-based Science for the Masses injected a compound called Chlorin e6 (or Ce6), which is found in some deep-sea fish, into the eyes of a test subject. Although Ce6 is occasionally used to treat night blindness and even cancer, it's never before been used to imbue humanity with animalistic skill sets they didn't evolve on their own accord. And just who was that Ce6 shot into to reach such heights of optimal functioning? The study's biochem researcher, Gabriel Licina.
First, Licina’s eyes were flushed clean and his eyelids were stretched out with a speculum, Clockwork Orange style.Then, a pipette was used to drop 50 microliters of a blackish solution—Ce6 mixed with saline, insulin, and dimethlysulfoxide (DMSO)—into his eyes.
"To me, it was a quick, greenish-black blur across my vision, and then it dissolved into my eyes," Licina told Mic. He then put protective lenses in his eyes to block out some light because now nothing could remain unseen by his angler fish eyes; and an extra layer of sunglasses helped too.
After two hours, the team tested Licinia's newfound superpower in a dark field. At first, he was able to see hand-sized shapes about 10 meters (33 feet) away, which is a scientific miracle in itself, but, in time, he was able to recognize symbols (like numbers and letters) as well as objects moving against different backgrounds at longer distances.
In one test, he had to indicate where people were located in a grove of trees 50 meters away using a laser pointer. He got it right every time, even when the subjects were standing up against a tree or shrub. The four people in the control group were successful about 30 percent of the time.
By the next morning, Licinia's eyesight was back to normal, and so far, there have been no noticeable side effects. It's probably as close to a temporary superpower as we've ever come if you don't count flying and the idiot strength you get after 15 beers.
Animal kingdom, we're gaining on you. We've already tackled flight, pheromone manipulation and now night vision, so what's next? The ability to swim upstream in a raging river to spawn? Sign us up.
But before we go, all this night vision talk got us thinking … although it's cool that humans could potentially see in the dark in the near future, what kinds of things would that be useful for? Here are just a few ideas …
1. Goddamn prohibition-era styled speakeasy bars that think they're too cool for light, forcing you to read their stupid artisanal gin menu in the dark.
Finally you just point to something that looks like text, and you think you're safe … until you get the bill and the drink you ordered was $40.
2. The good old fashioned Seinfeld two-face situation
Proper night vision would turn that two-face into a one-face you don't want sleeping in your bed, real fast.
3. Being Jodie Foster in Silence of the Lambs
Shoulda waited like 20 years, Jodie.
4. Various nefarious military uses
We'll leave this one up to you and your New World Order support group to discuss …
5. Ghost hunting!
Obviously! You'll never have to hunt for the paranormal wearing unwieldy night vision goggles again, meaning you'll look so much more attractive to potential ghost lovers. Wish we had this one when we were kids.