A homeless Phoenix man tried to start something with a Southwest jet by bitch-slapping it right in the engine holding, for some reason. But the airplane, being the bigger person here, took the high road like a boss.
Last Wednesday, a homeless Phoenix man named Robert Bump jumped a security fence at the airport. He ran straight across the tarmac, strutted right up to a Southwest Airlines jet, and smacked the thing right in the engine housing. Hard.
Panting from the effort, Robert stepped back, and stared sheepishly at the jet, fists clenched in case he had to defend himself. He was in a fighting mood.
But the Southwest jet remained calm in the face of Robert's impassioned indignity. Choosing the path of least resistance, it refrained from any retaliatory movements like an indomitable monk in the throes of meditation. It stood at the gate, stoic, awaiting the Robert's next move in a moment of silence and tension that reverberated across the terminal.
It was unclear whether the man and the Southwest jet had history.
The smackdown was immediately noticed by airport officials, who contacted the pilot of the jet and told him to shut down the engine's immediately. The plane, though shaken up, was glad it didn't have to use its monstrous rotating blades to make mincemeat of Robert. But it would have, had he stepped to it like that again.
Robert was taken into custody, although his motive for slapping the plane remain unknown. It's likely that because Arizona is one of the few states that allows dueling, that Robert was simply exercising his right to duel with a foe of his choosing. However in that case, a pair of folded gloves would have been necessary to initiate the duel, rendering Robert's glove-less bitchslap ineffective.
We have heard, however, that that particular Southwest jet has been known to issue lewd and lascivious comments to passersby such as "How much do you cost?" and "Nice melons, hubba hubba," so it may very well be that the plane deserved such a smack.
We just hope that Robert and the jet will be able to work things out in the future, after Robert gets out of prison, possibly when they're both in better places emotionally.