It's the greatest dream: a pill that wipes away the bad parts of drinking. No more alzheimers; no more liver failure. No more blacking out and drunk-dialing your ex with the STD.

So boozers everywhere will be stoked to read reports that a medication could "reverse the effects of excessive drinking" and "reboot our brains" from the damage of alcohol.

The antidote for a drinking problem? Whoa!

But like that hot Thai lady with the broad shoulders who was super into you, these reports turned out to be too good to be real.

The medication, Tandospirone, helped mice going through alcohol withdrawals chill out, and so could help you if you're trying to cut back. In other words: Tandospirone doesn't let you drink without consequences, it helps you stop. Which is not at all the same thing.

The study, published recently in the journal "Scientific Reports," says Tandospirone is a "promising treatment strategy for alcohol abuse."

They got mice wasted for 12 weeks straight; a long time in mice years. They were the rodent equivalent of that dude at the bus station always puking into the planters.

Then the researchers took the booze away from the mice (total buzzkills, these white-coated scientists). In both mice and humans, when you try to stop drinking, you get anxious, grab a bottle to calm down. But mice given the anxiety drug for two weeks were better at both maze-running and burying marbles. Which means they navigated the withdrawals better. So they'd be less likely to turn back into lushes.

So … that's exciting. Woo.

There's no drug without downsides. No cocaine without dick shrinkage. No meth without excessively clean houses. No bath salts without getting an appetite for faces.

The search for ways to drink without downsides continues … every weekend … on every college campus in the country … and like the good young scientists they are, they won't stop until all results are in.