What does porn star Heidi Van Horny want for her 23rd birthday? Oh, nothing much. You know, just see some friends, maybe get a drink…bang 23 guys…and whatever Heidi wants, Heidi gets.

What does porn star Heidi Van Horny want for her 23rd birthday? Oh, nothing much. You know, just see some friends, maybe get a drink…bang 23 guys…just the normal stuff.

And that's exactly Heidi's plan. She's scheduled a 23-person sex fest at a swinger's club to celebrate her birthday this year.

But it's not the 23-person Roman orgy you're imagining. "It’s not like a gang bang or a fuck fest—excuse my French—like people are expecting it to be. There is going to be a lot of narration by two stand-up comedians. It will be hosted, and it will be full of surprises and jokes. It’s my big princess party," she said. Everyone knows the only missing links between orgies and "big princess parties" are surprises and jokes.

She also offered this exciting tidbit: "Don't expect typical candles on the cake." Girl knows how to say there will be penis candles without saying there will be penis candles. Aww, yeah.

So far, over 1,000 men have offered to do the honors, but Heidi's imposing a rigorous screening process in order to find her perfect lineup, which she will be hand-picking. And by rigorous, we mean they just can't have STDs. But pretty much anything else goes. Heidi's not picky about physicality; she's more concerned with innate attraction. All you noodle-shaped men with tiny penises, we're looking at you. This is your shot.

And when asked about whether all the sex will be vaginal, or would she be blowing 23 dudes as well, Heidi replied, "It will not be all penetration. Time is money, so we need to be able to pay the cameraman, the editor, so due to that, it can’t be a 24-hour thing. Each man will be with me for five minutes." Oh, so hurried oral sex awaits on this long, steamy path to pleasure town!

Heidi's porn company, AD4 Distribution, will live-stream the "big princess party" from the swinger's club on February 20th. The live-stream will be free, but we can't say the same for her STD test the next day.