Think you're a mighty professor of the hard knocks? Take our quiz and find out.

Experts reside in every field.

1. Which one doesn’t belong?
A) Goofballs
B) Afghani Flip-Flop
C) Special K
D) Dimethyltryptamine

2. How many pounds are in a half-pound of blow?
A) Seriously?
B) .5 lbs
C) Inconceivable
D) 8 oz

3. What is “cottonmouth”?
A) A snake
B) A dry mouth
C) Something racist
D) Barely legal

4. Where can you buy synthetic marijuana?
A) Toys R Us
B) The fuck is synthetic marijuana?
C) Sketchy convenience stores
D) Etsy

5. Describe a tooter:
A) The GOP frontrunner
B) A gaseous roommate
C) Thirteen
D) A tube for snorting junk

6. What’s “molly”?
A) A hot PTA mom
B) A gateway drug to vaping
C) A dumb name for “ecstasy”
D) What isn’t “molly”?

7. True or False:
Ulysses S. Grant is on the $50 bill?

8. The only intelligent rule to dealing is:
A) Wear sensible footwear
B) Snitches get stitches
C) Accept credit cards
D) Don’t get high on your own supply

9. Have you ever gone to jail for selling drugs?*
A) Yes
B) No


1.B, 2.B, 3.B, 4.C, 5.D, 6.C, 7.True, 8.D
*If you chose “No” for number 9, congratulations, that answer automatically ensures you’re smarter than any drug dealer we know. Going to jail is stupid.

1-3 correct: Do better! Guess that high-paying degree is actually paying off. Bet you still file taxes though, sucker.

4-6 correct: Bummer brah, you’re average again. Like in life, just average.

7-9 correct: Hey, hey now. You holdin’? Page us.