So, the walls of your doobie dungeon are barren, plagued by a vast expanse of untouched virgin real estate that’s just begging you to personalize with posters and wall hangings galore. But which decoration should you hang to assert your true stoner soul? Take our scientifically accurate quiz to find out.
So, the walls of your doobie dungeon are barren, plagued by a vast expanse of untouched virgin real estate that’s just begging you to personalize with posters and wall hangings galore. But which decoration should you hang to assert your true stoner soul? Take our scientifically accurate quiz to find out.
1. What do you do when there is no woman?
a. No cry.
b. Blame it on the man and defy authority because of it.
c. There is always a woman, for we are all one.
d. Get high and go to her parent’s house looking for her despite the fact that she no longer lives there.
e. Assume she was abducted just like the rest of them.
2. You’re getting pulled over, and you’ve got weed on (and in) you. What do you do?
a. Call your dad crying. He’s a millionaire lawyer, and he’ll know what to do.
b. Whip out the Visine and relax because you’ve already crafted a secret weed-storing compartment in your dashboard.
c. Tremble like a delicate fawn, then spill it all to the cop to avoid bad karma.
d. You eat it. You eat it all. Jail is going to be trippy, man.
e. You’re not getting pulled over; you’re leading the cop on a lowspeed chase through a parking lot.
3. You’re in a smoke circle, and the person next to you is puffing but not passing. What do you do?
a. Call him out; it’s your turn, and you want what you want, when you want it.
b. Straight up grab the spliff out of his hand and take a big, long drag with a "fuck you" look in your eyes.
c. Say something like “Let’s all make sure everyone has an equal chance to smoke,” then apologize.
d. You don’t give a shit; you’ve got like six joints in your pocket.
e. Seethe quietly, then develop an unshakeable hatred for him than can only be overcome by a future duel to the death.
4. It’s 4:20 p.m. April 20. Where are you?
a. You’re throwing a house party with kegs, babes and jams … and the police are here.
b. Playing bass in your ska band, creating heady tunes, and groupies are strewn about the place like discarded old socks.
c. Baking weed brownies for your peace circle.
d. Running from something or someone.
e. You have no goddamned idea. Where is anyone, really?
5. How do you take your weed?
a. Joint.
b. Pipe.
c. Edible.
d. Whatever’s nearest to you at the time.
e. Weird, obsure vaporizor that's only legal in Germany.
6. How do you usually get weed?
a. Dispensaries. You’ve got a red card for your “troublesome back and knees.”
b. Some punk asses down by the courthouse.
c. You grow it yourself in your vegetable garden.
d. You never pay; your friends just smoke you out.
e. You still have a weed dealer who is coincidentally also your uncle.
7. What are you like when you’re high?
a. Fucking starving and in search of munchies.
b. Productive, deep and creative. You feel a lot smarter when you’re high.
c. You’re one with the universe, and you can taste auras.
d. You giggle uncontrollably at everything and go on adventures.
e. You’re in another dimension entirely and where are your hands?!
8. Pick a Beatle:
a. Paul McCartney.
b. George Harrison.
c. John Lennon.
d. Ringo Star.
e. No thanks, I choose Richard Simmons.
9. If you were an animal, you’d be a …
a. Bear.
b. Leopard.
c. Labrador retriever.
d. Llama.
e. Octopus.
10. What’s your favorite type of music?
a. Reggae and ska.
b. Classic rock and punk.
c. Jam band and bluegrass.
d. Hiphop and rap.
f. Electronic.
11. You feel like smoking, but oops, looks like you’re fresh out of weed. What else will suffice?
a. Molly or cocaine. Party drugs, yeah!
b. Booze or … heroin. You have quite a range.
c. Shrooms or acid. Anything that'll open your mind.
d. Anything you’ve got, buddy, hand it over.
e. Computer duster or Lunesta.
12. What’s your best move to get someone into bed?
a. Claiming your parents are rich and that breakfast tomorrow will include a ride in your Hummer.
b. Charming them with your biting, socially poignant humor.
c. Saying you know kama sutra.
d. Impressing them with your goofiness, then abruptly turning serious and sensual, confusing their senses to the point of unclear arousal.
e. Sending them multiple invitations to your BDSM chamber.
Mostly As: Bob Marley Poster That Everyone Has
You’re friendly, and you like to party. You feel comfortable wading around in the mainstream. You probably drive a Land Rover or a new-ish Jeep, and you’re only going to college because you were promised a trust fund upon graduation. Your family is painfully suburban, but weed made you see past all of that superficial shit and realize shit is superficial. Whoa. This Bob Marley poster will tell the world you support the ganja lifestyle but have no idea what that means. You can get one at any Target or local dorm room trash receptacle.
Mostly Bs: Pink Floyd Poster With the Ladies and the Butts
Old-school and sassy, that’s what you are. Although you’re the farthest thing from British, your personality can be likened to that of a hardened English schoolboy or girl who grew up in the rough-and-tumble projects of London. You’re definitely in a band, and you wear your sunglasses indoors because you think it makes you look affected. You may or may not be irresistibly attractive to MILFs and DILFs, and you are proficient at sex with older men and women despite your resistance to showering. This Pink Floyd poster will give your guests the impression you’re not unwilling to have a deep conversation in whicih you insist that you're right, and if they need to buy some codeine, they can get it from you.
Mostly Cs: A Fucking Tapestry
We don’t know why they don’t just send you over to the Isreal-iPalestinian border to conduct peace negotiations, because you’re all about togetherness and peace. You have a “coexist” bumper sticker on your Subaru Outback, and you smell like patchouli and gentleness. You subsist on petals and fairy magic, and you’re definitely going to Burning Man for the eighth time just as soon as you figure out a way to cover up that you're really a tax accountant, not a pinecone jewelry artist. You have a dog, and it’s pretty big, and you're really proud if it. Your tapestry lets the world know you voted for Obama, believe in reincarnation, have a tattoo of a tree or the Japanese symbol for “peace” on your back and are in a cult but don’t know it yet.
Mostly Ds: A “Fun” Pineapple Express Poster
You’re a mighty adventurous problem child whose middle name is either Trouble or Magnus. Every time you smoke, you end up in a different state, married to a different prostitute and hiding from the police in a trash can you thought was a barn owl's nest but thought wrong. You’re optimistic, rowdy and have a really gross case of FOMO (fear of missing out). Your Pineapple Express poster screams “I’m hilarious!” and “I am an adult child!” It’ll let people know not to let you borrow money from them, but also that you’re really talented at rolling joints.
Mostly Es: This
You’re so high Mount Everest is jealous of you. You’re curiously good at math and love conspiracy theories almost as much as you love “Mortal Kombat.” When you hang something like this poster up in your ganja garden, all interested parties will be happy to know you’re a free-thinking enemy of the mainstream. You’ve got a rebellious streak, you’re independent, and you know this because your house kitties tell you so. Clearly, there are some very deep ideas brewing in your head, and this poster is just a beacon signaling aliens that you are a open-minded human specimen who would be ideal for abduction.
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