Here are some of the moments from this year in music that made us think: “Fuck it, we’ll read a book instead.”

The world of music had plenty of disturbing headlines this year. From Thom Yorke being his artsy self, to a vinyl revival that only hipsters saw coming, here are some of the moments from this year in music that made us think: “Fuck it, we’ll read a book instead.”

Red Rocks turns down because neighbors call the cops

Seeing a concert at Red Rocks is a rite of passage. It wasn’t long ago folks could practice this special tradition in peace, deeply immersed in a hot, nasty bass coming from the loud-as-shit speakers. Sadly, those days are coming to an end at Red Rocks, as the whiney neighbors of the amphitheater in Morrison continue to squawk about turning the volume down. For the last several years, neighbors have successfully petitioned the City of Denver to implement a variety of noise restrictions for the venue, killing everyone’s buzz in the process. It’s become pretty clear that the distaste is aimed mostly at electronic shows — or as the petitioners likely call it, “that darn computerized music” — given that one of the main issues at hand is the low-frequency bass that disrupts Ma and Pa’s beauty sleep. Though Red Rocks management defends all music, including EDM, some artists like Bassnectar have already jumped ship, opting instead to find another venue with less bitchy surroundings. 

So, thanks for that, Morrison!

Wu-Tang Clan releases one copy of new album, is bought by “Pharma-Bro” Martin Shkreli

Just when we thought we could get through the remainder of the year without any more bullshit, the Wu-Tang Clan had to go and mess everything up. In a move that was meant to be some sort of artistic statement about capitalism or something, Wu-Tang recorded and released just one copy of their highly anticipated album, Once Upon a Time in Shaolin, which was bought by none other than the reigning World Champion of douchebaggery, Martin Shkreli. You may remember Shkreli from earlier in the year when he decided to use his power as a pharmaceutical executive to jack up the price of life-saving AIDS medication to $750 per pill, while giving zero fucks about doing so. Realizing that he still didn’t care about anyone but himself, and his (alleged) micro-penis, Shkreli upped his douche score by purchasing the album at auction for a reported $2 million. As of the latest reports, Shkreli does not have any plans to share the album publicly, choosing instead to lock it in a vault and only share it with celebrities that might have sex with him (but probably won’t).

To be fair, this whole swirling mess could have been avoided if Wu-Tang simply got over itself and released the album for its fans to hear.

2015: Year of the fuccboi

If you aren’t familiar with them yet, fuccbois are an emerging breed that really started coming out of the woodwork this year. Combining the worst elements from a variety of undesirable sources — the snobby elitism of hipsters, the hypersexual psyche of bros, the fashion of Justin Bieber — fuccbois have recently proliferated in darker, “artistic” corners of electronic music. Recognizing a fuccboi can often prove challenging, but he will likely corner his target and tell her about the time Skrillex almost listened to his mixtape when he was having his man-bun styled with the Soulection crew in LA. To wade through the many characteristics that might denote a fuccboi, an unknown hero of the Internet created a handy chart in the form of “SoundCloud Fuccboi Bingo” to help the average person know what to look for.

Sadly, we will likely see an increase in the fuccboi population as more people discover that making “artistic” music really isn’t that difficult.

Thom Yorke breaks the record for longest song ever

The downside of this story is twofold: First, the fact that Thom Yorke is still making music and hasn’t fallen into an unending, self-absorbed psychosis is both surprising and disappointing. Second, his record-breaking song, “Subterranea,” which clocks in at a mind-numbing 432 hours (or 18 fucking days) long, will likely stand the test of time, giving Yorke yet another reason to worship himself. Created for artist Stanely Donwood’s exhibit, “The Panic Office,” Yorke’s song is described as an “eerie mix of ambient textures, experimental sounds and field recordings,” according Australian radio station Triple J.

Rumor has it Yorke is working on a follow-up to “Subterranea,” recording and compiling all of his own fart noises for the next several years to create an album that will surely blow the lid off his already impressive career. j/k

Vinyl makes a comeback

The next time you pass a Barnes & Noble or Urban Outfitters, you may notice some curious advertisements in the window: “Vinyl Albums SOLD HERE!” In an effort to appeal to the hippest of the consumer population, several retailers have started selling old-fashioned vinyl LPs to be played on turntables that nobody fucking owns. Of course, the resurgence in popularity of vinyl began a couple of years prior to 2015, but this past year has seen the most growth in the market. Even some of today’s hottest artists like Ed Sheeran, Adele and Coldplay have started pressing their albums on wax, proving that vinyl is here to stay (at least until people remember why it went out of fashion in the first place).

Despite vinyl’s growing appeal, you’re still going to have to visit your janky local record store and sift through crates to find that Morrissey album you wanted to listen to while crying/masturbating tonight.

Kanye West is still around….

So there’s that…

The great SoundCloud purge

After toeing the line and testing the patience of major record labels for years, SoundCloud, the Internet’s favorite place to share music, was faced with a choice: take down thousands of files that infringe on copyrights, or collapse in disgrace. Considering that SoundCloud still exists, you can guess which option they chose. Starting in August, countless SoundCloud users — especially anyone who uses samples or bootlegs in their tracks or mixes — logged into their accounts to find their profiles thoroughly picked over. Like a thief in the night, SoundCloud embarked on a wide-reaching sweep of takedowns, abiding by a “remove first, ask questions later” policy, in an effort rectify the thousands of copyright infringements housed on its site.

Though the worst seems to have passed, the company’s long-term future is still hazier than CU Boulder on 4/20.

That asshat with the “Eat, Sleep, Rape, Repeat” shirt

It was difficult to miss the uproar that ensued after a fuccboi was photographed with a shit-eating grin and a shirt reading, “Eat, Sleep, Rape, Repeat,” at Coachella this year. Not only did the incident provide further proof that Coachella is the worst music festival ever in the history of music festivals, but it also reminds everyone that there is a serious fucking problem in this country with the way women and violence against them is treated.

In a way, this guy deserves some kind of credit (in addition to a sharp reprimand from his mother … and maybe a swift dick punch); his being a human piece of garbage may have been enough to wake a few people from their ignorant slumbers.

Jay-Z proves it takes more than rich friends to run a streaming site

You would think that someone with Jay-Z’s business acumen would know better than to offer consumers a product that is ultimately the same as what’s already available for twice the price of the existing model. Back in March, Jigga Man loaded up the Bad Idea Express with coal and set off down the tracks to Failuretown when he made a big show about his streaming service, TIDAL, and how it was going to save the music industry. His plan was to parade a bunch of his mega-rich musician buddies on stage to symbolically stand against the meager pay artists get from streaming services. Shocking absolutely no one, the plan backfired. On top of the fact TIDAL brought nothing new to the streaming table, it cost more than other services, and was backed by millionaire musicians who were complaining about poor artist pay — seriously, guys, Rihanna is really hurting for cash.

It’s probably safe to assume that Jay didn’t lose much sleep over it, but it sure is fun to laugh at the failures of rich people.

“We Are Your Friends” was actually released

Whether you like the music or not, no one can really argue with millennials being labeled as “the EDM generation.” Most of our parents had psychedelic rock or disco or synth-pop — we have EDM, a genre that, for better or worse, is inextricably linked with millennial identity. Taking that into account, it wasn’t a big shocker that someone decided to make an EDM movie, hoping to craft this generation’s “Spinal Tap” or “Saturday Night Fever” — innocent enough, right? Casting Zac Efron as the lead role really wasn’t surprising either, given that he mirrors the overwhelming number of pretty-boy DJs out there — plus, who doesn’t want to stare at that hunky slice of man for a while? Against all odds, the movie was actually made and released and was just a laughable and inaccurate as you would imagine. The problem with the movie isn’t that it’s a severely lacking depiction of electronic music and its culture (which it is), but that it frames millennials as a bunch of lazy, unmotivated fuckwits that think the American Dream is achievable by playing some electro on a laptop to fraternity pool parties.

We’re not saying those people don’t walk amongst us; we’re just saying that some of us have the good sense to stop doing ecstasy and get a job with benefits after college.