Hey there. Yeah, hi.

You know that one friend you just don't really like? We all have one or two or 62 of those.

Maybe they incessently post insensitive, typo-ridden political commentary and Elite Daily articles on Facebook.

Maybe they're overly competitive, insisting on making everything into a game in which you inevitably lose.

Maybe their primary form of communication is complaining, but you don't speak 'Little Bitch.'

Well, we've got great news for you: you literally don't have to be friends with these people. Any of them! At all!

Yeah, we know. You have mutual friends. You see them around. You want to keep up appearances; give off the impression you're a Nice Person N' Company.

Doesn't matter.

Think about the amount of energy you have to expend to pretend you like them. To act cordially in their presence despite salivating at the fantasy of their ejection from Planet Earth. By pretending to be nice, you have to create a false persona, and maintain it. How time consuming!

And for what?

So you'll seem agreeable?

Nah. Fuck that.

This isn't cotillion at a country club. This is your life. You create it however you want. If you don't want What's-His-Dick in you sphere of consciousness, it can be so.

You don't have to go around telling everyone you hate this person. You don't have to say anything bad about them at all. You just ghost them from your life and disappear from theirs. Easy.

Un-follow them on socials. Don't go places where they are if it'll make you feel weird to be around them. Focus on yourself and the people you do care about so you erase them from your thought process. The less you actually care, the more you've solved the problem.

And when you see them out in person, act normal. By all means, don't be a penis to them. After all, chances are they don't know you'd like to casually freeze them cryogenically until you've lived your life, and then have one of their long-lost relatives unfreeze them upon your your passing. So be cool, then be on your merry way. Just like you would with any other person.

There's a difference between human courtesy and faux friendship, and god damn it, you can lean as far as you want either way on that spectrum.

That is all. Fly free, young birds. 

Photo cred: Prettygirlsflippingthebird.com