/ New Oppression /

Right-Handed Privilege

A privilege awarded to those who are right-handed, leading to a world where being right-handed gives you more access, more opportunity, and more advantage. 

"Our friend Jim has right-handed privilege. He's doesn't understand the struggle."

2.3 Million

The price of the average home in Vail Valley causing a crisis among the lower class workers unable to find affordable housing and jeoporadizing their livihoods. Members of the Vail council were extremely concerned and promised to discuss the issue with those affected over a beer and $45 burger.

Good Day

For dubstep, with a study showing that listening to electronic music — specifically, Skrillex — lowers the incidence of mosquito attack. The high and low frequencies of dubstep act to “entertain” the female mosquitoes causing them to lose sexual attraction and attack less. A similar outcome of losing sexual attraction is also attainable by simply showing a picture of Skrillex.

Bad Day

For desk jobs, after Raising Cane’s fast food asked corporate employees to work as fry cooks and cashiers as it deals with a company labor shortage. They currently need to fill 10,000 job positions and are currently asking corporate employees to step in temporarily. In a related story, Raising Cane's is now suffering a corporate employee shortage and is currently hiring. 

Woman Sues Geico After Contracting STD

A Missouri woman is taking 15 minutes of her time to sue Geico for an STD she got while having sex in a car insured by the company. She’s asking for $1 million in damages after contracting HPV from having sex in a Hyundai Genesis. In lieu of the lawsuit, Geico is changing it’s slogan to “How happy are customers who save money with Geico? Happier than those with STDs.”

“Our Narcotics Agents are trying to identify the rightful owner of the approximately 770 lbs of marijuana that was seized from a mini-storage facility in Viera … especially since it has a street value of roughly two million dollars!"

Florida County Sheriff and resident window-licker, Wayne Ivey, who’s made a name for himself sarcastically taunting criminals on social media following marijuana seizures in his district. The war on pot is stupid. Period.


The surge in Pornhub traffic during the great Facebook and Instagram outage of 2021 which saw the social media behemoth lose services for over 6 hours. Whether it's on Facebook or Pornhub, stepsisters will always moan and groan about their bad decisions.