Now your house is not only serves as a place of solitude but also as a voice of reason.

Brace yourself for the wave of the future. The next time you’re lying on the couch, curled up in the fetal position promising to never drink again, imagine that your house is not only serving as a place of solitude but also as a voice of reason.

Thanks to Brain of Things, a California tech company, your “robot home” will soon understand your every need raising the blinds when you wake, adjusting the temperature when you watch a movie and suggesting a ice-cold Grape Gatorade for when you thought you could drink the bar.

Using an assortment of 20 motion sensors staged throughout the home, Brain of Things technology maps an individuals daily living habits making sure that the subtle simplicities of life like survival are all taken care of by a machine. Along with the motion sensors, the lights, the appliances, the entertainment systems, the heating and air conditioning, and the plumbing are all connected and automated. Of course, the bedrooms will be off-limits since, you know, we all need a little sliver of privacy left in our lives.

To the tech-disabled, don’t sweat bullets in regards to learning about the equipment because the equipment will automatically learn about you. By collecting data and processing it in an algorithm, the devices will slowly acclimate to your lifestyle, learning what time you wake up, when you get up for a glass of water, when you eat and at exactly what time you cry uncontrollably about your ex that should have never dumped you because you’re an amazing individual with a robot home. 

What about privacy though? If you’re one of those anachronistic individuals who believe that privacy should come standard in every home, the company argues that with a robot home, you’re able to identify problems much earlier. We’re not exactly sure what that means but for us, when the plumbing breaks and our toilet starts spewing molten brown lava, we immediately sense a problem, robot home or not. If it’s the data you’re worried about, the information never leaves the house or apartment, meaning your secret shower routine will stay a secret. 

The time is upon us as we trend toward adding more intelligence, communication and connectivity in our home fixtures. At a price of $30 per month to install and monitor, “robot homes” already competes on price and will soon be a feature in most homes. We can’t wait for our early-adopter friends to give us the tour of their house and the amazing new gadgets every time we come over. Fml.