You’re high, you’re chilling, and you’re cozy on your comically large bean bag bed. So why would you leave your house to cure that nasty case of the munchies? Exactly. That’s why we made you this munchie cookbook. Every recipe is designed to be ridiculously accommodating of your stoned inability to function, and they’re all so delicious they’ll slap your munchies right in their stupid faces.

You’re high, you’re chilling, and you’re cozy on your comically large bean bag bed. So why would you leave your house to cure that nasty case of the munchies? Exactly. That’s why we made you this munchie cookbook. Every recipe is designed to be ridiculously accommodating of your stoned inability to function, and they’re all so delicious they’ll slap your munchies right in their stupid faces.

Bon appetit, stoners,

Two-Second Nutella Cake

  • 1 tablespoon Nutella
  • 1 beaten egg
  • 1 tablespoon flour
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon cocoa powder
  • 1 tablespoon brown sugar

Whoops! We meant two minutes. Time is meaningless when you’re this high, ha ha! Anyway, whisk together all ingredients in a bowl until they’re well combined, you big chef, you. Pour the mixture into one large, well-greased microwavable bowl. Microwave for 30 seconds. If you’re not done, add an additional 10 seconds. Be careful; the batter can explode like a thousand Hiroshimas, so only make this if you know how to make that not happen.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch Milkshake

  • vanilla ice cream
  • milk
  • half a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Get your vanilla ice cream, milk and a half-bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Toss that shit in a blender, and watch a childhood favorite transform into something greater via the magic of a rotating blade. Added bonus: not pretending you’re in a tiny ship that’s getting sucked into a creamy whirlpool in the blender, then woefully sympathizing with all Navy men.

Mao Communist Burrito

  • 1 order of General Tso’s chicken, leftover or delivered
  • 1 large flour tortilla

What's brilliant about this recipe is that 90 percent of the work is done by the Chinese restaurant, which will prepare and deliver the burrito’s innards to your door. Take the Chinese food, dump it into a tortilla, wrap it up like you’re a Chipotle burrito artist, and savor the flavor of China and Mexico’s edible lovechild. Remember, your stomach is a bottomless pit.

Cheezit Mac and Cheese

  • 1 box of mac and cheese
  • Cheezits

Make the mac and cheese just like the box tells you to. Congratulate yourself on your ability to follow directions. While the pasta is cooking, brutally crush the Cheezits using every ounce of strength you have. You’re so strong, look at those biceps! Place the prepared pasta into a baking pan. Top the pasta with annihilated Cheezits. Broil for three to five minutes. Try not to think about the fact that this meal has no nutritional value whatsoever. Yep, it’s going straight to your FUPA.

Muy Fancy Ramen Lo Mein

  • 1 pack of Top Ramen
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 tablespoon of some sort of oil
  • Frozen peas and carrots
  • 1 tablespoon soy sauce

Cook the ramen like a good boy/girl, according to the package instructions. Drain out most of the broth once you’re done. Put oil in a frying pan, turning the heat to medium-high. Scramble eggs in the oil. Add frozen peas and carrots, frying them with the eggs until they’re soft, like your attitude. Add in noodles and soy sauce, and cook until you have something edible. Try to figure out what MSG stands for. “Marijuana slops gophers?” Maybe.

Doughnut Waffles

  • A doughnut. Any doughnut in the world.

OK, you’re literally just putting a donut in a waffle iron and pressing it down. Take a deep breath. Interrupt the breath by putting the waffle doughnut in your mouth, erotically asphyxiating yourself, metaphorically, yet deliciously.

The Quesadilla

  • 2 tortillas
  • 1/4 cup cheddar cheese
  • 1/4 cup pepper jack cheese
  • 1 chopped jalapeno
  • 1 tbsp salsa
  • Sour cream for dipping

Heat a frying pan and slap one tortilla down. Sprinkle it with cheese and chopped pepper, then drop the other tortilla on top. Wait a few minutes until the cheese is ooey-gooey, then flip that bitch over and wait a few more minutes until the other side is crispy. Remove it from the heat, slice it in quarters to share, or just fold it up like a monster taco, garnish it with sour cream and salsa, and enjoy. If you’re really baked, just toss this whole thing in the microwave for about two minutes, and you’re good to go.

Spinning Pickle Wheel of Death

  • 1 pickle spear
  • 1 slice of lunch meat
  • 1/2 tbsp cream cheese

This one's easy. Slather cream cheese on lunch meat, and roll it around the pickle spear. If you’re trying to impress someone, slice it into bite-sized circles and get some fancy toothpicks, but you’re probably all by yourself, so just shove it in your mouth.

Puppy Chow

  • 1 box Chex or similar cereal
  • 1/2 cup peanut butter
  • 1 cup chocolate chips
  • 1.5 cups powdered sugar

Place chocolate and peanut butter in a bowl — no not that bowl — and melt them in the microwave for four minutes. Stir every minute to make sure you don’t burn it; it may sound tedious but you get to lick the spoon along the way. Once it’s melted, add the cereal and stir until everything’s coated with the chocolate-peanut butter concoction. Sprinkle on the powdered sugar, and delicately mix it into the cereal. You can tell yourself you’re not going to eat the whole batch all you want, but you’d be lying.

Cookie Ice Cream Pizza

  • 1 tube of pre-made cookie dough
  • 1 pint ice cream
  • assorted candies for toppings

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Flatten out the tube of cookie dough onto a greased cookie sheet. Bake it for 12-15 minutes or until the cookie looks done-ish. Remove it from the oven and let it cool for five minutes. Top it with ice cream and candies. Set the pizza out with some forks, and get at it. If you can wait and want to avoid a sticky, hot mess, place the pizza in your freezer for another 15-20 minutes. While you’re waiting, load another bowl, and watch an episode of “Adventure Time.” When it’s over you’ll remember there’s a fucking cookie pizza waiting for you.

Grilled Cheese Burger, a.k.a. Diabeetus

  • 4 slices of bread
  • 3 slices of cheese
  • 1 burger
  • bacon; we recommend two slices, but feel free to go crazy here, dude.

Aka the munchie to end all munchies. Cook the bacon and burger to your liking and set them aside somewhere they won’t get cold. Then, make two grilled-cheese sandwiches, but only grill  one side for now. Flip the sammies, and add your burger, another slice of cheese and bacon.Then cover with, you guessed it, the other grilled cheese (grilled side down). Treat this tower of bread, cheese and meat like one sandwich, and flip it over so the burger and bacon can reheat and the middle cheese melts like a blanket on the burger. Get comfy before you eat it, because you’re not going to be able to move after.

Chili Frito Pie

  • 1 bag Fritos
  • 1 can chili
  • 1/2 cup cheese

Dump the Fritos on a plate, scoop chili onto the Fritos and top the concoction with cheese. Microwave for one to two minutes or until the chili has reached the desired temperature. You can make this super-stoner and add hot dogs at the beginning if you’re into that sort of thing, but you’ll have to microwave it for longer. Eat with your fingers while crying or with a fork.

Grilled Peanut Butter and Jelly Crunch

  • 2 slices of bread
  • 2 tbs peanut butter
  • 2 tbs jelly
  • handful of potato chips

Butter one side of each slice of bread, peanut butter and jelly the other sides. Word to the wise: Leave a bit of room on the edges of both the PB and J, or this is gonna get messy. Place the jellied slice on a hot frying pan and add your handful of potato chips. Top it off with the peanut butter side and wait for one minute, flip the sandwich, and wait another minute. Remove from the heat and chow down.