There is literally nothing on this earth that's more enjoyable than dubiously-real evangelical Christian Facebook pages that blame Satan for things like pierced ears and metal music. Nothing tickles our pickle more than associations between the dark lord and weed overdoses, the Illuminati and anything triangle shaped, and masturbation and slavery. Meet Satan Exposed in Popular Culture, everybody! 

There is literally nothing on this earth that's more enjoyable than dubiously-real evangelical Christian Facebook pages that blame Satan for things like pierced ears and metal music. Nothing tickles our pickle more than associations between the dark lord and weed overdoses, the Illuminati and anything triangle shaped, and masturbation and slavery. Meet Satan Exposed in Popular Culture, everybody!

Don't ask us how we found the page, but we loved it so hard that we had to share it with you.

Now for some foreplay: Here's their "About" section to get you excited about what you're about to see:

From heavy metal music to sexually explicit films, popular culture has become like a giant, satanic onion: the more you peel it, the more it stinks.

Here are some other delightful offerings … and don't forget to not be #alarmed by the brute force of the messages below.

Friends, please do not be #alarmed at this news but I am sad to announce that I have just had a threat made on my life by a practicing #metaller.

The matter is in police hands now – I offered to deal with it personally, but they felt that my #MMA skills would ultimately mean that this #vagabond would stand no chance against me should our disagreement spill into combat.

To all my #detractors (and there are one or #two, would you believe): Satan Exposed In Popular Culture will NOT be going away and your #threats will NOT stop me from spreading the Lord's Word.

#Blessings
Rev. Johann

And here is a little expose they've done on the Satanic phenomenon of "emo metal" …

But now, my research has led me to uncover another terribly damaging form of metal. It is called "emo" metal, named so for the effeminate appearance of its singers and sensitive disposition of its fans. Popular "emo" metal bands include #Paramore, #30SecondsToMars, #FooFighters and #LambsOfGod.

It is clear from their vile names that these groups all preach a message that is in direct #opposition to God's Word. But what of the fans of "emo" metal? What harmful effects does this filth have on their already fragile psyche? Emo #metallers are typically over-privileged teenagers recognized by their:

1. Constant sulking
2. Tendency to mutilate / self-harm
3. Bed-wetting
4. Bullying others
5. Overdosing on marijuana

Over-dosing on marijuana, huh? Demons, we tell you. Demons.

There's also this …

… and this …

and also this:

Of course, the page has 10,000 likes which is way more than we do, so clearly people are loving the #blessings of this anti-Metallica crusader.

Just thought you guys should know. #Blessings.

We'll leave you with this: