A few people in Ft. Collins are upset the American-style burrito chain uses the "I-word" in its name. Should it have to change?

Fuck Ebola, because what the world is suffering from right now is a sickness that’s out of control. It’s a debilitating ailment that’s putting far too much pressure on common linguistics and continues to divide us as a whole even more so than political circus acts. It’s what’s called “hyper-sensitivity” and it’s destroying us all.

We face-palm so hard reading current events sometimes that we are literally whittling down our perfect facial symmetry. Stop it, world; we’re too beautiful for this!

Late last night the Coloradoan posted reports about a small gathering of questionably offended detractors asking owner Pete Turner of Illegal Pete’s to change the name of his establishment. It cites attendees complaining the company’s name is akin to “a racial slur directed at African-Americans, hanging a Confederate flag in the restaurant's window or calling a restaurant ‘Smoking Lynching BBQ.’”

The Ft Collins location is due to open in just a few short weeks.

In his defense, Turner challenged the group with his long-held reasoning behind the Illegal Pete’s moniker. When he was an English major at CU, Turner says he read a novel in class that references a bar with a similar name. He also notes that both he and his father’s first name is “Pete.” When he started the bar and burrito establishment in 1995, he says he had hoped the name would be “ambiguous enough to spark people’s interest.“

One of the many problems we find with the frivolous attack is Pete Turner never stands quietly towards altruistic endeavors in this state. He leads his company and staff into dozens of fund-raising ventures each year and sponsors everything from starving artists on the road to children’s sports activities. He’s even paid for a few of his restaurant’s employees to gain their own citizenship.

Offending people isn’t in his blood.

What’s exactly in a name anyway? Fort Collins is built on the same area as a defunct military outpost named Camp Collins, which was a stronghold erected in 1862 to protect the Overland Trail (a mail route) from attacks by indigenous humans. They of course were people simply protecting land English settlers were barbarically occupying and taking away from an entire pre-established culture.

Most of what we know today in America has some sort of sordid tale of historical happenstance and are named accordingly. But we’ll probably never see Ft. Collins change its name because of it. It means something much different now, and it’s a cultural convention, so why would it change?

Anyway, think of how badly that would throw off the GPS – think of the lost children!

Look, we’ve had a shitty past in this country, that’s a fact. But if we’re spending our time focusing in on the minute details of syntax and trying to align opinions to fit in the exact molds of others we face a real cluster-fuck of not dealing with far more major problems. As such, we allow the defining issues to slide by unscathed while the general population is distracted.

It’s OK to be offended, it’s human. We’re not saying that the 30 or so people who are put-off by what they don’t understand are wrong. What we are saying is that the hyper-sensitivity to linguistics is draining the power we as commoners actually have. The power should be focused on, say, everyone getting paid a decent wage or getting our kids through better schools so we don’t end up in a real life Idiocracy sequel.

Or how about diverting our taxes away from building bombs so that we can initiate a nation-wide nap / margarita hour during the day (your choice) for nationalized mental stability?

These options all sounds so much better to us than blindly focusing in on the “I-word.” If you need us this week, we’ll be at Illegal Pete’s enjoying queso and craft beer. We’ve earned it.

Click here to read our profile of Pete Turner that appeared in our June 2014 issue