The world has gone completely … f'ing … insane …

The world has gone mad. Completely fucking mad. This couldn’t have just been a normal Monday morning, replete with post-weekend blues and a few lingering jitters, could it? No — news had to surface about the lead singer of Smash Mouth … we repeat … Smash Mouth … and its singer's crowd-dissing rant after being pelted by bread …

We couldn’t make something like this up if we tried …

In the closing hours of the Taste of Ft. Collins event, the headlining act Smash Mouth went about its normal routine under a gluten-filled assault of bread being hucked every which way. But when one or more of the slices fell too close to singer Steve Harwell, he then blasted into a tirade demanding justice and wishing to beat the asses of every bread thrower in the vicinity.

But why was there so much bread at an outdoor event, one asks? Apparently a local baker had a bright idea that giving out 20,000 loaves of the stuff at an event was going to be good for something. Because who doesn’t want to just carry a loaf of bread around all day in the scorching sun and not do something productive with it, like feed livestock or malnourished offspring?

What is this, 13th Century A.D. where us peasants gather once a year to listen to the sweet stylings of middle renaissance era tunes while drinking lager in anticipation of our loaf rations? Who the hell hands out bread?

Let’s not gloss over the fact this is a family friendly event, however, with far too many asshats heaving slices out in the open for no good reason at all. Harwell — though uncouth in his delivery — kind of has a point. He’s there to sing and entertain, not to dodge bread bombs and deal with unruly guests with a shitty upbringing.

Make all the jokes you want, armchair-warriors, but throwing anything towards anyone is pretty douchey. The security guards should have just let Harwell and company jump out into the crowd for a good old fashioned fisticuffs.

Because if we haven’t evolved past handing out breaded provisions, why not let a few adults duel in the town square for honor?

… and here's how th Colorado-local rock act Atlas Genius handled the great Breadgate of 2015. Stay classy, Ft. Collins.

Photo: Svetlana Joukova