What world are we living in where you can bring a loaded gun to school, but you can't bring a sex toy?
Oh, yeah. The real world.
This world.
This world where we somehow still ascribe to the puritanical belief that sex, or even the mere suggestion of it, is more explicit and inappropriate than blood pooling from a freshly murdered student's head.
As long as that student was shot in self-defense, right?
That belief — that sex is more obscene than gun violence — is alive and well at the University of Texas, a place where students are allowed to open-carry lethal weapons on campus, but are banned from bringing a harmless sex toy anywhere onto school grounds. UT is a very interesting place for a regulation like this, considering that a 1966 mass shooting on its campus that killed 32 people was the most deadly mass shooting in American history up until the Pulse nightclub shooting in Orlando earlier this year.
You'd think after that, they'd maybe want to not allow guns on campus, but nah. They just decided to ban sex toys instead. You know, keep the students safe and stuff.
That's precisely what Cocks for Glocks, a student group from UT, is currently protesting, and they're doing it in the best possible way: by filling the campus with giant, jiggly plastic dicks. Roughly 4,500 of them, to be exact.
As we speak, the group and hundreds of their followers are fighting against the school's absurd rule by parading these dildos around in the same way students are allowed to parade guns. Everywhere you look on campus, students can be seen sporting mega-dongs on their backpacks, wearing silicone wangs as necklaces, and pointing sex toys at each other as if they were guns. Of course, the ultimate irony is that while they've built a military-quality dildo artillery, school officials still see that as more dangerous than if the students were to do the same with guns.
Remind us again why that makes sense?
This all started last year when Jessica Jin, a University of Texas alum, organized a protest to satirize the sex toy ban. Pissed off that harmless silicone schlongs were seen as more obscene by the school than deadly weapons, her and a few friends began to carry dildos around to challenge the perception that carrying a gun is normal.
The movement picked up, and soon, Cocks for Glocks launched a peaceful, full-scale affront against the University in protest of their open-carry allowances.
On Wednesday, Jin spoke to a crowd of Cocks for Glocks supporters, telling them she felt self-conscious shopping at Home Depot this week with a dildo strapped to her backpack, but protesters should “deal with the discomfort, deal with the weird looks – that’s the way we should be treating gun culture."
Dildo detractors who are in support of the school's campus carry laws say that UT's permissive gun policy only applies to a small number of "responsible gun owners who want to exercise their constitutional rights and enhance their personal safety," but as we've seen time and time again, mass shootings happen regardless of whether people arm themselves in self-defense or not. Accidental shootings carried out by well-intentioned and non-murderous gun owners are even more common. In fact, guns are 22 times more likely to be involved in accidental shootings than they are in self-defense.
However, way more people oppose UTs open-carry laws than support it, including the vast majority of the school's students, staff and campus police. They argue that allowing students to carry guns will have a chilling effect on free speech; is more likely to reduce safety than promote it, especially given that many students are young people under stress; may cause “brain drain” among faculty and discourage students to apply as intelligent academics opt for other schools were people aren't armed with lethal weapons all the time; and was introduced not because of public demand, but so politicians could satiate powerful pro-gun groups such as the National Rifle Association in exchange for funds.
Miguel Robles, a 19-year-old political communications student, told The Guardian he feels “less safe now that campus carry exists. During class you’re not sure if you can argue or have discussions any more because if someone gets very offended at any moment, [violence] could just spill out … It’s just very unnerving, really. I haven’t met anyone that thinks it’s a good idea.”
During his interview, he wielded a poster that said “You’re packin’ heat, I’m packin’ meat.” MARRY US, MIGUEL.
Yet, lawmakers in Austin don't seem to give two flying fucks about the University's opposition to open-carry laws or the negative effect on academia and student safety they could have. On Monday, a federal judge in Austin denied a request by three professors for a preliminary injunction blocking the law. Although the professors presented the very strong argument that a population of stressed, armed students could infringe free speech by "creating an intimidating atmosphere that would stifle the unhindered discussion of controversial issues that is an important part of academic life," the judge was like, "Meh. Second Amendment or something. Blah blah blah."
Here's to wondering what sort of body count would prompt the judge to change his mind …
However, Cocks for Glocks plans to keep fighting in the juiciest, girthiest, most sexually enchanting way they know how.
As Jennifer McKay, a senior majoring in history, said, "I think that having guns in classrooms is absurd and this protest is equally absurd … but we may as well be sex-positive while making a political statement."
Right on, dildo-sister. Keep fighting the good fight, and when you're done with those dongs, send some our way. For a friend!
Here's a video of Cocks for Glocks so you can see just how hard they're thrusting into the deep hole of this issue:
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