According to new research from the University of Buffalo, couples who rip the dank 420 bong together are happier and have less interpersonal conflict than those that don't, proving once and for all that cotton mouth and an offensive desire to listen to the Dead are the sexiest things on earth.

According to new research from the University of Buffalo, couples who rip the dank 420 bong together are happier and have less interpersonal conflict than those that don't, proving once and for all that cotton mouth and an offensive desire to listen to the Dead are the sexiest things on earth.

We mean shit … is there anything that weed doesn't make better? Aside from your aptitude as an airline pilot?

Short answer: no. The study also found that stoner couples had lower rates of domestic violence and verbal abuse between them, which answers the question, "Can't we all just get a-bong?" Yes. Yes we can.

Researchers studied 634 couples over their first nine years of marriage, and found that couples who smoked just 2-3 times per month had far lower rates of spousal abuse and fighting. Couples who smoked together had the lowest rates of all.

"I think we were all surprised that [marijuana] led to that significant of a reduction in violence," said lead investigator Ken Leonard. "Particularly when both the husband and wife reported frequent marijuana use that there were lower levels of both male partner aggression and female partner aggression." Wait, you were surprised that weed chilled people out? Get with the times, Ken.

Ken continued: "It is possible, for example, that — similar to a drinking partnership — couples who use marijuana together may share similar values and social circles, and it is this similarity that is responsible for reducing the likelihood of conflict." He also said, in the most grandfatherly way possible, that marijuana makes people feel more "positive," which could lead to less conflict and feelings of negativity.

Some alternate hypotheses as to why weed decreases relational abuse are ….

1. High people consume pizza and conflict resolution was invented by pizza.

2. Couples who smoke together laugh at their own knees together, and everyone knows laughter is the best medicine.

3. High sex. Ever had it? Yeah.

4. You could yell at Brian for leaving the toilet seat up, but your lungs are full of smoke and emitting anything more than a peep would burst them, causing fluid to leak into your chest cavity and certain death.

5. It's hard to cheat when you're high because cheating usually involves getting off your tapestry-covered bean bag, so that takes care of that.

So there you have it folks. Toke up and talk it out; we promise you'll be too stoned to remember why you were mad in the first place. Or, if you don't smoke weed, there's always a cold jail bunk with your name on it for those times when you're too sober to forget to fight. Bye!