Wanna get into heaven and fuck the world? Eat a grilled cheese or seventeen.
A groundbreaking and arousing new study has found that if you love grilled cheese, you probably have more sex than people who don't.
… Wait, who the f*ck doesn't love grilled cheese? SHOW YOURSELVES.
Anyway, the study, which was conducted by dating social network site Skout, found that your grilled cheese preferences reveal a lot about your sex life. According the survey, grilled-cheese-o-philes get it on more than any other population. Thirty-two percent of grilled cheese lovers reported having sex at least six times a month, whereas only 27 percent of grilled cheese haters said they have sex that often. Again, if you hate grilled cheese, you're probably unconscious in a hospital room and aren't even fucking.
The findings also revealed that grilled cheese people are more generous and adventurous than their sandwich-rejecting counterparts. Eighty one percent of pro-grilled cheese people have donated their time, money or food to those in need, but only 66 percent of anti-cheese idiots have done the same. Does this mean that people who like grilled cheese are better people? Ab-so-fucking-lutely. Probably because they just got done having sex.
Here's what the ultimate grilled cheese would look like, at least according to the survey: A mix of American and cheddar cheese without toppings, sandwiched between white bread with the crust left on. Maybe making it that simple allows more time for other activities … like boning.
So, if you're not getting it in quite as much as you'd like, you know what to do. Kraft American singles plus white bread = you're pregnant.