The Rooster Stupidity Index takes a look at last month's headlines from around the Internetz to prove that the downfall of humanity is near.

The Rooster Stupidity Index takes a look at last month's headlines from around the Internetz to prove that the downfall of humanity is near.

“NBA Warriors owner Pete Guber blames auto-correct for racist email” 

Guber sent out an email stating he would have tolearn “hoodish.” Apparently he meant “Yiddish.”His smartphone isn’t stupid, it’s just one racist son of a bitch.

“Three Denver teen girls arrested running away to ISIS paradise for Jihadi vacay”

Is Arvada really that bad? “Oh my Gaaawwwd, Beckaaay. That bomb vest goes so good with your pumps!” Not sure if your Facebook selfies are gonna be such a hit with “the boys” over there.

“450-lb Florida man arrested after drugs found hidden under belly fat”

Deputies, after pulling over said wide load because he wasn’t wearing and (admittedly couldn’t fit under) a seatbelt, discovered 23 grams of pot stuffed under his “muffin top.” Hide it IN the stomach, not under, bro.

“Polite and reserved CBC fires radio personality for off-air violent sexy times”

“Q” radio personality Jian Ghomeshi wants to “hate-fuck you,” but on his own time. In America, you’d be on the front page of People and get a promotion. Hey CBC, here’s a your new “safeword”: Sex sells!

“Bay area 8-year-old finds a bag of meth in Halloween candy stash”

Trick or snort! That gack ain’t cheap, so stick to handing out Tootsie Rolls and keep the powie wowie for your toothless, sunken-eyeballed buddies. Besides, kids are annoying enough after a can of Pepsi.

“GOP wins Senate, seizes control of Congress, shoots self in collective foot”

Republicans will now have to stop beating the Barack piñata and look busy the next two years. Otherwise, say goodbye to 2016. Oh, wait, just roll out Jeb Bush in two years. That’ll win it.

“North Korea releases the last of American hostages”

Pyongyang receives torture treatment in form of a John Kerry speech and relinquishes American detainees … Hey, we’ll trade you for Rodman, and we’ll throw in Mel Gibson for free.

“Charlie Sheen’s ex-fiancee hospitalized for overdose”

Former pornstar Brett Rossi attempts suicide after realizing she’s about to GET MARRIED TO CHARLIE FUCKING SHEEN! How much coke does it take to make that a good decision?

“Legendary rocker Wayne Static, 48, of Static-X dies of overdose, 4 people mourn”

In this December issue, Rooster Magazine used the word “Legendary” to describe Wayne Static. We regret the error. Oh, come on, name one song … without looking it up first. Four seems like an overestimate.