Utah man skateboards naked in front of children

Two men arrested after returning their rental car with bags of heroin, MDMA, Oxycodone pills
Two drug dealers in upstate New York proved there’s stupid and then there’s stuuuupid after they returned their rental car at the airport and forgot to grab the 140 envelopes in the trunk containing heroin, 35 grams of MDMA, oxycondone pills, marijuana and $5,600 in cash. The geniuses were arrested when they returned to the rental shop to try and retrieve the drugs. First rule of drug dealing, don’t leave the drugs behind. Second rule of drug dealing, don’t forget the first rule. 

The day-rate Rudy Guiliani charged Donald Trump to argue the case for voter fraud in the November 2020 election. Since getting impeached for a second time, Trump has subsequently refused to pay Rudy Guiliani any of the money owed which explains why Rudy can’t afford a better, more viscous hair dye product. 

“It’s like Lady Gaga tickets” 
Routt County Health Commissioner Roberta Smith in reference to dealing with the stressful demand for vaccines from the Colorado community. 

School still asking students to practice active shooter drills from home
March 2020 was the first March without a school shooting since 2002. True story. School administrators across the U.S. aren’t taking it for granted though and are still requiring students to undergo active shooter training while learning remotely from home. When asked for a comment from our lawmakers, they declined since they were busy hiding in a bunker to avoid the active shooters storming the capital. America! 

Cornell University is making the flu shot mandatory for all students, unless you’re a minority

Parents forced to pay son after destroying his porn collection 
David Werking, 42 year-old Michigan man, sued his parents for damages after they tossed out his extensive porn collection which he left behind when they kicked him out of their house. Still, a Federal judge ruled in favor of fapping by forcing David’s parents to pay for the stash of one-handed workout videos which included 428 VHS and 1,605 DVDs. Some things in life are just irreplaceable, especially “Milf Hunter 4.”