Cows are so dumb that left on their own they’d become extinct — looks like humans aren’t far behind.
Each month we round up the most ludicrous stories the Internet has to offer. Prepare to have your sense of faith in humanity lowered just one more notch — like it can really go any lower …
NUDE MODEL AND PHOTOGRAPHER ARRESTED DURING PUBLIC SHOOT
Michael Warnock, 64, and Chelsea Guerra, 21, were recently arrested at a Pittsburgh, Penn., shopping center after the man had hired the young girl off of Craigslist to do a nude photo shoot in public. The incident is said to be the sexiest thing to happen in Pittsburgh since the Steelerettes disbanded in 1969.
GRANDMOTHER HOLDS BALLS, AUTHORITIES THREATEN HER WITH THEFT
Penny Freeman, 73, a senior resident of Bridlington, Yorkshire, recently began keeping footballs neighborhood children accidentally kicked into her yard, later having to explain her actions to local authorities after they were called by concerned parents. Her response: “It’s better than the other leathery balls I’m used to.”
ARKANSAS OFFICIALLY DECLARES PORNOGRAPHY A PUBLIC HEALTH CRISIS
Resolution HR 1042 was officially passed by the Arkansas General Assembly declaring that "pornography has created a public health crisis,” making it the third state in the U.S. to do so. When asked what porn actually looks like, Republican state Rep. Karilyn Brown simply yelled “Fake News!” and took off running the other direction.
TEEN ACCIDENTALLY KILLS SELF WHILE STREAMING LIVE ON PHONE
A 13-year-old boy accidentally shot himself in the head while streaming live on an Instagram feed as he toyed with a loaded gun. The NRA was appalled that a young teen would have unfettered access to such a hideous phone app.
POPULAR MAGAZINE UNDER FIRE FOR TWEET ABOUT RIDICULOUS DIET PLAN
Cosmopolitan magazine recently tweeted out How This Woman Lost 44 Pounds Without Any Exercise after she had lost the weight from a rare form of cancer. Runway models momentarily pulled their fingers out of their throats to contemplate the riveting new strategy.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYER CHARGED WITH INDECENT EXPOSURE, BLAMES IT ON RASH
Texas A&M receiver Kirk Merritt was charged after two separate incidents of exposing his penis and “rubbing it in an up-and-down motion” next to two different school tutors. His lawyer blamed it on a bad case of jock itch. Since the incidents, no matter how well Merritt performs on the field, he’s always left hanging on high-five opportunities.