The bounty being offered by the state of Texas to any person willing to sue another person who, in some way, helped make an abortion possible as part of a new law to make abortion illegal after the first 6 weeks. Litigation, abortions and bounties: sounds like the American Dream is alive and healthy. The law eventually passed. 

Bad Day 
For our country’s future after the city of Denver sent select schools home early and declared a “heat day” due to record temperatures in the month of September all because those schools didn’t have air conditioning. It’s 2021: we have app-controlled sex toys /Satellite mega-constellations but we can’t insure all schools have working air conditioners?  

Good Day
For gastrointestinal problems as Taco Bell is testing a new “Taco Lovers’ Program” offering despondent bachelors and ambitious drunkards a 30-day subscription to get one taco a day for 30 days for only $5. While we’re still not happy T-Bell removed the Mexican Pizza, we live by the motto a taco a day keeps the doctor away and therefore, Yo Quiero Taco Bell. 


$5.8 Billion 
The amount passengers spent on Baggage Fees in 2019. The idea for baggage fees became popular among airline CEOs during the 2008 Great Depression and although airlines rebounded financially, they kept the fees in place not for any safety reason but because, hell, it made them billions. It’s time to get rid of baggage fees —and online payment transaction fees while we’re at it.

Percentage of people in a new study regarding the future of AI and robots who say they would be fine sleeping with a robot. Of that 40 percent, only 3 percent would have a one-night stand so it’s good to see the moral fiber is still intact. But to have sex with a robot? Now we know how our editor’s wife feels every night! (We’ll see ourselves out the door.)

“Joe Rogan is getting this completely wrong” 
University professor and author of a 2015 vaccine study, Andrew Read, in response to Joe Rogan using the study to tell the public that getting people vaccinated against COVID-19 will lead to hyper-virulent mutations. “He's taking very careful work about evolutionary scenarios of the future, and from that, erroneously concluding that people should not be vaccinated now.” The real loser in all of this is clear: it’s Spotify. 

New Phrase
Leafer Madness 

Noun. The migration of mouthbreathers heading up the hill to snap photos with and amongst the changing leaves of fall in order to appear outdoorsy and productive. (See: people who talk about 14ers.) 

“It doesn’t get much worse than I-70 during leafer madness.”