There’s the cream of the crop … and then there’s the skim milk.
MAN CHECKS CAN OF BEER AS ONLY LUGGAGE ON FLIGHT
A passenger on a Qantas flight was relieved to see his beer can arrive safely on the luggage carousel after it was checked, tagged and packaged with all the other bags aboard the flight. Good thing the passenger wasn’t flying Frontier, otherwise the staff would have drank it, peed in the can and then charged him a convenience fee for the pleasure of it all.
SERIAL UNDERWEAR THIEF HOARDS MORE THAN 1,000 PANTIES
Police have finally nabbed a serial underwear thief who had taken more than 1,000 panties from apartment balconies over the course of 30 years simply because he “liked wearing them.” We only have one question for this disgusting pig: do you think our girlfriends would prefer lace or cotton panties for our upcoming anniversary?
COPS PUT MAN IN JAIL FOR 90 DAYS THINKING DRYWALL WAS COCAINE
Karlos Cashe, on probation for a 2015 drug charge, was put in jail for 90 days after cops pulled him over and believed they found cocaine powder in his car — but in fact was just drywall dust from his handyman job. In the cops’ defense, the stuff on the streets these days is about as good as drywall dust.
BURGLAR STEALS THREE BOXES OF EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTIVES DURING STICKUP AT WALGREENS
In Edmond, Oklahoma, a man robbed a Walgreens of three packages of emergency contraceptives at gunpoint after a store manager confronted him about paying for the birth control. We’ve all had regrettable one-night stands, but this one must have been real bad…
PREGNANT WIFE SHOOTS HUSBAND IN YOUTUBE STUNT GONE WRONG
Monalisa Perez, an expecting mother, was charged with manslaughter after shooting her husband during a YouTube prank gone wrong. Her husband, Pedro Ruiz, was sure a large caliber bullet would be stopped by a single book — an unfortunate tragedy that could have been avoided had they actually read books instead.
COLLEGE KID HIGH ON PCP DIVES INTO GARBAGE TRUCK HOPPER FILLED WITH VILE FLUID
Benjamin Abele, a Georgia Bulldog, had to be tazed by cops after they witnessed him run naked down the street and then dive into the back of a garbage truck filled with a thick fluid. Police arrested the kid, but later released him upon realizing he was just trying to get a realistic feel of where a college education gets you in today’s world.