The presidential hopeful is selling ridiculously ridiculous posters to fund his campaign. We'll take 2,000.
Presidential candidate Ted Cruz is selling posters of his massive, melty head superimposed onto a muscular, tattooed body, with the slogan “Iran’s Worst Nightmare” to fund his ill-fated campaign. America, we ask you this question: "Would you bang?"
Cruz, depicted without his typical Duck Head and Van Heusen business casual look, had his bulbous head superimposed onto a shirtless, tattooed body — while dawning a massive bald eagle chestpiece. There’s an American flag half-sleeve on one arm and for some reason Winston Churchill on the other, with “Cruz” emboldened across his stomach (as if anyone wouldn’t recognize that fucking head). He polishes off the Rock 'n' Roll Jesus look with a pair of inked six-shooters. Ted ‘Tough As Nails’ Cruz.
Cruz’s campaign has purchased 200 of the original posters from its designer, a conservative street artist known as ‘Sabo’ — who is known primarily for his life-sized posters of politician Wendy Davis portrayed as a Barbie with an exposed fetus, festooned with the words: "Hollywood welcomes Abortion Barbie Wendy Davis."
The Cruz posters are being sold for $50 each. Similarly, Cruz also has a poster for sale which reads “Straight Outta Congress” to go with all of our other Tiger Beat heartthrob memorabilia.
This is only the most recent, last ditch effort to fund his doomed presidential campaign. Cruz’s website’s ‘enter through the gift shop' approach is telling of his campaign’s desperateness, where individuals are prompted to buy everything from the “‘C’ Stands for ‘Cruz’” coloring books, to awkward onesies for one’s apolitical baby (Seeing a photo of our 10 week-old self in a ‘Pat Robertson ’88’ onesie might have forced us to rethink our entire childhood).
In reponse, a recent online poll has asked America: “Would You Bang THIS Ted Cruz?” — with the options, ‘Yes,’ ‘No,’ or ‘Only from Behind.’ ‘No’ has been the overwhelming response holding 79 percent, and ‘Only from Behind’ finishing at very, very, very distant second with 19 percent.
We’ve all made some ghastly decisions at last call but we mean, damn …
Dude literally looks like an over-microwaved Piers Morgan.
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