If you've got a few spare seconds to kill, then you've checked out all the shenanigans happening on Snapchat.
It happens to the best of us: you decide to cut through campus instead of going to the next stop light, and while you’re frantically trying to switch between three local stations playing Taylor Swift songs, you get stuck behind two Buff Buses and a sea of freshmen who still haven’t managed to figure out where their next class is. What do you do? Only the logical thing, which is to Snapchat your peril. Before you even get the chance to take your selfie, though, Snapchat urges you to take a look at what’s going on in the "Our Campus" story. These are undoubtedly the ten thoughts that will pass through your brain over the next 60 seconds:
1. Was every building on this campus built for parkour enthusiasts?
Your phone is flooding with images of people spending seven seconds flipping off the sides of walls and railings. Has Hellems always had excellent surfaces to grab, and if so why didn’t you attempt to jump off something after you finished your humanities class that one semester?
2. Where are all of these trees people are slacklining from?
Make no mistake, you’ll see at least three different groups of CU students slacklining on Our Campus Story, even if you’ve only spent 20 seconds looking through the damn thing. All of the shots look like they’re taken in front of Norlin, but have you ever really seen that many trees on the quad? Are they all slacklining together? Why are they not just posting one 10-second video together instead?
3. Is everybody hung over when they’re in CHEM140?
By now you’ve seen at least three people that posted miserable selfies from the seats of that auditorium. You have no way of telling how Snapchat assembles its campus stories, but it seems like there is an unreasonable amount of people still drunk at their 3 p.m. lectures.
4. The sorority squad travels
You’re fairly sure you’ve seen the same group of girls in oversized tank tops posing in front of the UMC and the C4C with a #GreekLife caption across the photos. Then again, there’s no way to be sure since the next four Snaps on the story have the girls' sorority squatting in dorms and in buildings you can’t even for the life of you remember.
5. Are dogs allowed in lecture halls?
In the last 30 seconds alone you’ve seen at least four dogs. It would appear that nobody has class this afternoon and that playing frisbee with golden retrievers is a common thing to do wherever there is grass on this campus. You would have to assume that at some point these people remember that they are paying tuition and attend at least one class a day, so where do the dogs go? Do they sleep on the floor of their row? Can these dogs ride the RTD?
6. Nobody takes a happy studying photo
Every person whose chin is resting on a stack of books next to a coffee mug look like they’re about to die. You hope for their sake that they drop whatever class that is since it’s still so early in the semester.
7. If the sun is out, everybody is nearly naked on the quad
Boulder saw some relatively rainy days in the past few weeks, but CU students are clearly going to live by the “Sun’s out, guns out” motto until the first snow hits. You’ve clicked through at least four photos of girls in bikini tops with a #HardLife caption, and there’s been at least one photo of a shirtless dude hugging his dog.
8. Where was that CU Night Ride going?
You are almost 100% sure that this Our Campus Story only functions on campus, so you’re most definitely confused by all the students with dark photos in the back of a CU Night Ride. Did they call for a ride from the UMC to Koelbl?
9. Everybody is an idiot for still not locking their bikes
If you’ve spent even one minute looking at Our Campus Story, you’ve seen videos showing a row of bikes with only a handful of locks. What’s worse? People still haven’t learned that the U-lock is literally the only way to go.
10. Apparently you can smoke absolutely anywhere on this campus
Sure, smoking pot is still considered a violation on campus and supposedly strictly enforced. But from the last two minutes, you’ve seen people light up on the stairs of Norlin, from the balconies of those lucky bastards living in the dorm above Farrand Field.